I am watching Toxic Love Story on Netflix… I love true crime docuseries and so many of these men had dusty traits from the very beginning. Shera’s teachings are protecting so many women from dangerous men! I am so glad I found her teachings!
Shera always says a dusty will stress you out, age you, and drain you. I am living proof, and I have the medical records to back it up. Before I met my ex 9 years ago. I was full of light, vibrant, skinny, healthy. They can suck it away like vampires.
9 years ago I was a full pickmeisha, and a Barbara the Builder on top of it. I was with a narcissist, doing all the giving, accepting crumbs, and calling it love.
I built that man up. And he used my family's resources to do it. My parents are successful and well connected. They introduced him to a ton of doctors and talked him out of family medicine and into dermatologic surgery. He went from a future of around $250K a year to probably $600K or more. He walked away with the career. I got nothing. Shera says never build a man, because you pour in the resources and he takes the finished product to someone else.
I was unhappy the whole time. I didn't even want to have sex with him. I was giving access to my body to a man who wasn't providing, protecting, or even pleasing me. My body was telling me no long before I was ready to say it.
Then my body started breaking down. I developed pelvic issues, then an autoimmune illness that left me bedridden for 7 years. I gained 50 pounds. I lost most of my twenties to it.
He is married now, lol. Someone else is enjoying the man I built with my family's resources.
I cannot unsee the pattern anymore. In the relationships where I was cared for and my needs were met financially, I glowed up. My health improved, my looks improved, my whole life improved. Shera is right. A man is supposed to add to your life. Provision and peace are not luxuries ladies. Without them I end up in a hospital bed.
You would think I had learned. Then recently I got involved with a man who turned out to be a manipulator. He made providing for me seem like a chore and told me my standards were too high. The former pickmeisha in me came right back out, and I believed it.
The illness I had work so hard to be in remission from flared up. I spent this past week in the hospital, twice.
A short time with the wrong man undid what took me years to rebuild.
Shera says to watch what he does, not what he says, and I listened to the words.
Now I am back at my parents' for the week, where they spoil me and take care of me without me having to ask twice. I was raised being provided for with ease. Any man who makes providing feel like too much is offering me a downgrade from the life I already have.
Although I'll be honest about where the pickmeisha came from. My mom is one. She never loved herself enough, so I never learned how to do it properly either. I had to figure it out the hard way, in a hospital bed. I see it as my duty to my future daughters to pour myself into all of this now, so they grow up watching a mother who loves herself and never have to unlearn what I did.
I am done treating this as "just dating advice." For me, dating the wrong man is a health issue. From here on:
No building. He arrives finished or he doesn't arrive.
- I watch what he does, not what he says.
- No access to me without real investment.
- A man who treats providing like a burden is not the one. - My standards aren't too high.
-The moment a man costs me my peace, he is gone. I don't wait for my body to make the decision for me.
My standards are so high now. The $600K a year I helped him get? Chump change to me today. And in my opinion, avoid dating doctors at all costs. A title and a salary tell you nothing about how a man will treat you.
Where am I going now?
- Spending time with the beautiful sprinkle sprinkle friends I've met.
- Focusing on my business and leveling up.
-Losing the weight, working on my health.
-Enjoying the new city I moved to.
- Maybe getting my master's and moving somewhere new again.
- Deepening my spirituality.
- Freestyling without getting attached.
-Decentering men completely.
So girls, and especially my pickmeishas, remember: the wrong man can literally make you fucking physically ill. Physically, mentally, energetically. All of it. He doesn't have to hit you or cheat on you to wreck you. The stress alone will do it. Your attention is literally energy and who you interact with is energy as well. A man should provide you nothing but peace.
If your body is telling you something about the man you're with, listen the first time. I did not, and it cost me years.
Has anyone else noticed their health change depending on who they were with?
Sprinkle sprinkle.
I was chronically ill for 6-7 years.
During that time I racked up 3 thousand (in grand scheme of things that is nothing) and it went into court. Lol
I am in remission from my chronic illness… stress is a big trigger so I haven’t been able to work a finsnce job again (was working in finance) and now I have my own business with an unstable cash flow.
I’m starting to date and freestyle again. What if my provider asks what my debt is in. I get dizzy sometimes and unfortunately I have had to communicate it to prospects and bare minimum they were chivalrous about that. I am also focused on leveling up.
Also I am 20k in student loans from a top university. I’m kind of shameful that it has been 9 years and I have not paid it off…
How do I communicate all these things. I want these paid off and my credit score great before I am married.(I have a weird spiritual feeling I will be engaged in the next year)
What is the .3 percent Coptic? How could that have worked out for me? I have no family members to my knowledge that are Coptic egyptian. I knew one of my ancestors was Jewish… but the Spanish, Estonian and Russian shocked me.