Embarrassment caused my agoraphobia
I’m 24 years old and I developed agoraphobia in late 2020 after my embarrassing moment.
I was hanging out with this “friend” who I kept thinking was cool and because I never had real friends throughout elementary and high school, i latched on to that friendship even tho my kindness was being taken as a weakness and i was being manipulated, I wasn’t seeing this at the time.
I don’t know why but because this “friend” looked cool and tough I wanted to feel like that as well. I was changing the old me to become someone who i wasn’t.
So one evening I walk downstairs in the lobby and 3 of my high school classmates are sitting there and I tried to act tough for NO REASON in their faces. My behaviour was absolutely horrible.
From that moment on I told myself that I can’t go outside anymore due to the extreme embarrassment. The guilt and regret that I carry for doing that pains me like you wouldn’t believe till this very moment. I’m sure we’ve all said things that we aren’t proud of and behaviours we wish we could take back but for some reason this moment put the whole universe on my shoulders, 6 years later and it still haunts me severely