u/EastPerformance9233

I'm a pretty moderate antisexual. I would say that, in my view, sex has no moral value whatsoever outside of an individualised context. Only considering all the factors can it be said if it is "good", "bad" or somewhere in between.

I mostly hang around on the AVEN forum, not asexual Reddit, because the AVEN forum is much more critical of "attraction absolutism" (the view that "lack of sexual attraction" is the only valid definition of asexuality and that asexuality has nothing to do with not wanting to have sex... so, a very unsafe view for sex-averse people like myself). But still, even with my moderate views - disillusionment with sex positivity (thinking of it as very premature in a world of inequalities), abolitionist views on prostitution and porn, disgust with kink - I'm quite on the antisexual edge of the AVEN community. I personally think that there is an increased pressure on asexuals to "at least" be sex-positive in order not to appear as spoiling other people's fun, but that's a different issue. At least I am personally comofortable with being in the minority and so I don't subscribe to sex positivity (and despite this continue reproaching those who use "sex-positive" in the sense of "open to having sex", precisely because it's unsafe for sex-positive asexuals who aren't sex-favourable).

Anyway... that was a bit of an instoduction. Given my lack of pro-kink views, I was thinking about how "vanilla" has been made into almost an insult. And that's how I ran into some posts which I could largely applaud... about how a real decent man should never want to cause pain to their partner, and how "kink shaming is not nice!" has become just an excuse for misogyny and abuse. About how unsafe it is for those who are figuring themselves out when kink is being normalised to the extent that people are shamed for not wanting to engage in it. About porn promoting extreme sexual practices. Some women mentioned how hard it is to find men who don't ask women to enact BDSM scenes and instead want to have loving sex, aren't selfish in bed, don't take porn as their guide...

So, my question is: is it true? I simply don't know it, because I have never had sex, never been in a relationship. I'm asexual and sex-averse, I'm also autistic and genuinely don't know how to form romantic relationships... I used to regret this part to an extent, now I don't because I understand that I anyway could never feel comfortable in a relationships, even a fully nonsexual one (sex-including relationships are completely out of the question for me), with the amount of solitude I need. So, simply speaking, I have no experience. But I care about women who are being coerced to ignore their boundaries under the guise of "inclusivity".

So, I've been learning to play guitar for a little over a month now. First on a borrowed electric guitar, and now on my own (blue Jet JS-450 HSS), which is actually much more comfortable - lighter strings, lower action, perhaps also a better neck and fingerboard profile for a relatively small-handed person, but it's hard to know without precise measurements. Just to make it clear: fingertip pain and damage is much less of a problem than I expected. But I still could use a bit of advice.

Background: I have suffered from allergy and eczema since early childhood and I have extremely dry skin. So much that, for example: during the heating season (when the air in my apartment is drier) skin on my thumbs next to the nails tends to split by itself. It's very painful, sometimes bleeds a little, is a problem in certain household chores (I live alone). On the other hand, even before I started learning guitar, I used to cut my fingernails ultra-short (I also don't use any nail polish, or any other makeup; in fact, I don't even OWN mascara, lipstick, eyeliner and such stuff) - both because of my allergy (to prevent myself from being able to damage my skin too much when scratching), and because I'm asexual and therefore prefer looking more androgynous and not being attractive to men.

My fingertips have already become harder, but during this week I gradually lost some epiderm from all fretting hand fingertips. It just kinda splits near the nails and peels. It's much less painful than in case of these thumb nicks... when the epiderm peels, underneath is just an intact pink layer. It seems to grow back already slightly harder compared to my right hand, and not "back to square one" in terms of harder fingertips.

Any advice? I realise that I probably should use handcreme more. I just... often forget, and try not to use A LOT of it because I'm not a rich person... of course handcreme is not expensive, but I just tend to experience a lot of stress at the very thought of money... Creme brands may not sound familiar to users from outside Poland, but I use Ziaja hypoallergenic handcreme with cotton extract. I also have Mediderm creme, which I use mostly as face creme, and which probably could be used as handcreme too - it's sold in really huge 500 g plastic jars. (Compare it to typical face creme, with tiny jars in relatively big boxes, a thick bottom... it's just very unfair to users, producers of typically medicinal creme seem much more fair...) Mediderm is slightly more greasy (and my skin is so dry that it doesn't even seem to absorb oily creme), but perhaps could be useful as handcreme too...