u/East_Dig_1291

Is anyone able to privately QC for me ? I want to avoid bias by naming sellers etc TIA

I just spent over an hour crying to my partner, we are currently designing my engagement ring for later this year and my brain has been nothing but cruel for several days straight now, I haven’t even been able to celebrate the news because I’m paralysed by the feeling I’ll lose him & that this is not real, that there’s a catch, I do also have some trauma/ PTSD type stuff & it’s using real fears & past experiences as “proof”, it’s brutal and unrelenting at the minute, I’m exhausted, he’s a recovering avoidant attacher and it’s been a long road to get to this point, truthfully I’ve never been as happy as it as about to be, I genuinely see hope for this new chapter, but in the flip side I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, a reason for him to leave or self sabotage from me, he’s left me for less before and this is about to challenge his avoidance massively, I’m absolutely petrified, I feel like I’m walking on a hair thin tight rope, I feel responsible, I described it like feeling bolted to the final destination rollercoaster, like I have no power to change things. The idea of accepting uncertainty feels like a nail in the coffin, like I’m allowing the bad things to happen (not that I’ve prevented it this far anyway) thankfully his ex had ocd and I did explain all this and he was super calm, he even made a few jokes to lighten the mood, it’s hard trusting he will be there, that I’m good enough, that it won’t collapse or be unhappy.

I just spent over an hour crying to my partner, we are currently designing my engagement ring for later this year and my brain has been nothing but cruel for several days straight now, I haven’t even been able to celebrate the news because I’m paralysed by the feeling I’ll lose him & that this is not real, that there’s a catch, I do also have some trauma/ PTSD type stuff & it’s using real fears & past experiences as “proof”, it’s brutal and unrelenting at the minute, I’m exhausted, he’s a recovering avoidant attacher and it’s been a long road to get to this point, truthfully I’ve never been as happy as it as about to be, I genuinely see hope for this new chapter, but in the flip side I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, a reason for him to leave or self sabotage from me, he’s left me for less before and this is about to challenge his avoidance massively, I’m absolutely petrified, I feel like I’m walking on a hair thin tight rope, I feel responsible, I described it like feeling bolted to the final destination rollercoaster, like I have no power to change things. The idea of accepting uncertainty feels like a nail in the coffin, like I’m allowing the bad things to happen (not that I’ve prevented it this far anyway) thankfully his ex had ocd and I did explain all this and he was super calm, he even made a few jokes to lighten the mood, it’s hard trusting he will be there, that I’m good enough, that it won’t collapse or be unhappy.