I have no true interests or passions. I’m not sure that I ever have. I am chronically bored.
I’m 20F. Autistic. I have always had many superficial interests. Like things that I care about on a surface level. Art, music, writing, fashion, sewing, jewelry making, graphic design, gardening, etc but I never commit to anything. Not even a little bit. I have made very little things that I’m proud of. I almost never make anything. I know I have the personality of an artist and a creative person inside of me. I long so deeply to create and to really care. My partner is the opposite of me. He gets completely immersed into and obsessed with everything he does. It’s always life or death for him whether he is creating or doing whatever it is he wants to do. I think my disinterest in everything bothers him a lot. It bothers me too. I really want to care about things. I try and try and try but I just never do anything long enough. Pursuing hobbies feels like chores that I have to force myself extremely hard to do. When I get anything wrong or have trouble figuring something out I absolutely hate it. I am always seeking something out in this life that I don’t think exists. I never feel satisfied. I am a sensitive and passionate person but that energy is just stagnant inside of me. I feel lifeless and tired always. I feel like I’m stuck in a chain reaction and a cycle that I can’t break out of. Idk