Advice needed, 32M & 35F
I'm looking for advice for me and my very good friend (well call J). Quick background, we dated in high school for about 3.5 years before she separated to pursue others. We didn't talk for a few months before I texted her to see how things were going. She answered rather quickly and we caught up from there. After college it seemed we had become friends again and were talking/seeing each other frequently. As the years went on, I never really lost feelings mostly because she was the only one who treated me decently, even as a friend.
A few years ago she moved out of state for work and it was hard time for both of us. That's when I found out through her actions that we were a lot closer that best friends; when I was at the airport to fly home we had a hug as friends would do, but she initiated kissing. It was like that everytime one of us would fly to visit the other, until I was able to move up with her. Everything seemed good, we did couple things, she would refer to me as her BF; at least it seemed good till her mother move in. She was trying to talk her mom out of moving, but I figured it would be good based on how old her mom is, and she's the only one who really keeps up with her mom. I'm not sure if I fully can blame her mom, but she has some strange hatred of men, so she nitpick everything I do to J when I'm at work. Recently I found out through 2 or 3 post on reddit she made that she wants a relationship but being ND (also anxiety and depressionamd we both have a bit of the tism) she's afraid to go meet people. She also posted that she thinks she too late to find anyone she would actually be able to trust.
It was suggested to me that due to her ND her brain has me in a separate category of safety and doesn't want to define it as a possible relationship in fear of losing it. I just wish there was a way I could tell her she doesn't need to put herself out there to find love. A way to tell her that I love her and would like to move our friendship into a relationship. We already have a large amount of trust in each other, and i would give her the time and space to develop the realtionship when she needs it. I'm also worried that her mother's influence would prevent her from seeing me that way since she does not like me. I just don't want to see her get hurt again. I also don't know how I would approach a conversation about my feelings to her.
TL:DR advice needed for telling a ND best friend who posted about wanted a relationship, that I like her a lot and want to move our friendship into something more.