u/Eastern-Quit9795

Currently been on 10 mg citalopram (first time SSRI user) for 3 weeks (am a male). I think my libido has definitely dropped, but so far it’s not too bad, I still get orgasms but a bit more difficult and not that horny in general. But if it stayed like this I’d still be okay as I had had a fairly high drive before.

But after reading many posts I don’t know by when to expect the worst so that I can make a decision whether to keep going with it (obviously after talking to my psychiatrist)?

Thank you.

I’m reading this book (currently halfway) but I’m not sure what to think of it.

She does explicitly say multiple times that you shouldn’t be in relationships that are abusive, etc - and she does is rightfully.

But other than that, it is basically almost saying that if you are not being in an abusive relationship, then you should stick with it regardless of what concerns you might have. You not finding them that attractive? It’s perfectly fine. You don’t have great sex? It’s perfectly fine. And the list goes on.

But some of those issues can actually be very valid concerns and distressing in a relationship and whether to keep on going with it.

Now I think it’s a great book in shaping some thoughts but also like doing a poor job because it gives reassurance for basically any issues.

My ROCD (combined with commitment issues) somewhat differs from what I read from others here (where people start questioning things after years with their partner).

It basically starts as soon as I see the other person becoming committed. I start to fixate on one mistake or flaw (either personal or physical), and I can’t let go of the feeling that if only this one thing were different, we’d be a perfect match—and that there’s someone else out there who will ultimately give me that. I also can’t fight the “grass is greener” feeling or the sense that I need the dopamine rush I feel during the first 2–3 dates with someone new. But I’m sick to my stomach because of myself. I know this is fucked up and I’ll never be happy like this. But my anxiety is at crazy levels.

The thing is, I start to ruminate so hard in every new relationship or while dating that, within just a couple of dates, my whole world becomes foggy. What I should feel by now, how others are so sure of their relationship, how i should behave, am I even attracted to them, and the list goes on.

I go through every day feeling lethargic and also experience immense guilt. And I truly can’t let go of the feeling that even though I know nobody is going to be perfect, I should feel more confident about them. Mind you, I do develop deep love and care for them in most of these cases, and I also dread losing them. I truly love them as people, but I always feel like I’m betraying them, and I can’t stand living with these feelings for more than a couple of weeks, so I always end the relationships.

I’ve been fighting this shit for 10 years, and I’ve finally managed to find a great therapist (after basically being sent away by two others over the years who said there was nothing wrong with me). I’ve also started SSRIs, so I still have a long way to go, but maybe I’m finally on the right track. Looking back, the number of great potential partners I’ve missed out on because of this makes me sick.

Anyway, thanks for reading. If you have a similar story (or, even better, a positive story about overcoming something similar), please leave a comment. Thank you!

I’m kind of mad/sad about my experiences with ROCD when it comes to therapists.

I’ve had OCD since I was a child (tapping, checking, etc.).

I started having serious commitment problems at age 17-18 during my first LT relationship due to what I believe is ROCD and it hasn’t been solved ever since. Over the years I did quite some reading into it and it became quite apparent to me that this is a real thing indeed. I first went to a clinical psychologist at age 22, then to another clinical psychologist at age 25. Basically, in both cases I was not taken seriously (I did around 6 months in each case) basically doing some very superficial digging into my childhood and family without any real revelations and basically was told to keep trying meeting new people and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.

I know it’s not in the DSM-V, but come on. It’s ridiculous.

Finally now , even if 10 years later, I managed to find a psychologist who takes this problem seriously and finally I feel like I’m on track to get better. However I’m just mad I threw 10 years out of the window because they like haven’t even heard of ROCD.

Like a wedding, a trip, or whatever. My compulsions to break up are sometimes so strong that I can only soothe my mind enough to plan about a week ahead.

Of course, you can always back out of those things. Maybe it really is that simple for many people. But I just can’t do it. It feels like I’m lying, and it feels like I should be head over heels and looking forward to the event. I feel under immense pressure that by agreeing/booking I’m for sure locked in the scenario. I just hate this shit.

Like I legit feel 200% worse after reading comments like “don’t string him/her along”. “By XY time you should now” . “You either find them attractive or you don’t” . “Just go with your gut”.

And the list could go on..

Was it like sudden feeling or more gradual buildup? Did it start working at the same time as it did for the normal OCD compulsions?

And btw what meds have you taken?

Thanks.

I dunno whether it’s only me or not, but I think ROCD makes me fixate on specifically one or two ‘flaws’ (real or exaggerated) of the other and disregard other flaws that I’d disregard in others. Let me give you examples.

Let’s assume first I date a physically attractive girl. She is an extrovert and does go out with friends to have a couple of drinks every now and then and sometimes uses vulgar words. Somehow it starts being a turnoff that she drinks alcohol occasionally (I drink too so it makes no sense), uses vulgar words, an extrovert , making in my brain us not a fit and start the ROCD ruminations. I do not think about whether I am attracted to her, I just take it as a given.

Next time I date a girl that is a very good fit otherwise but maybe not as attractive (initial attraction is there and sexually very compatible). She goes out to have drinks just as often with friends and also an extrovert and sometimes use vulgar words. Meanwhile I’m ruminating how much attracted I am to her concluding maybe I am not, I am not the slightest worried about them going out for drinks or using vulgar words, I think it is completely fine to have drinks and so I do not have any problem with it.

In here I think “disregard” other flaws in a more positive way as in not over ruminating about it just like a normal person would do.

This might have been a great example but you get the idea. It’s always the feeling that if only this thing was different about the other it’d be a match.

Is it like that with you as well or do you find many different flaws in each person?