u/EastonremainsExhumed

I know this topic seems probably not important or seen just as a phase. It's not. I've been dealing with this for the last 4 years and haven't gotten help. Schizophrenia runs in my family and I take risperidone because I have not upgraded yet. Life is so bland, every day seems the same and it's mainly because it is and it's going to be hell in the summer.

Most kids are excited for the summer but I am not. There is 11 days of school left as of June first 2026 and I'm going to spend my summer alone and bored. I have no friends, my own family hates me.

I am separated from the kids at school because of my lack of a mother, most kids hate me because I dress differently and listen to different music and watch different movies. Videogames aren't fun to me considering I've played everything. Growing up I also didn't have any friends so videogames were there.

I don't know what to do, maybe this is life. God makes certain people to punish them, just for fun. Life is a horrible joke and death is the punchline. I am called a faggot and told to kill myself by my own family and people at my school. I think I should.

Everyone around me's mood changes when I'm around. They seem so happy without me, and angry and sad when I'm around. So I think if I just killed myself they wouldn't have to be Angry. My father is a therapist and doesn't practice what he preaches and does the opposite. My mother is a drunk who is never sober when I see her and I'm pretty sure she's just drunk by default.

I should drink a bottle of Listerine and go out like that, keeping alcohol in my body to mock her. My sister was the only reason I was actually still going and now she hates me. I don't even know why. It probably seems like I'm complaining, but that's because I am. I have no one to talk to, no one to fucking talk to this fucking shit about so I'm here. It doesn't help I'm writing a Stephen King novella worth of text here.

I genuinely don't know what to do, I wanna die so bad. I was one year clean up until yesterday and I don't even have a reason to feel this way. I take my medication and do what people tell me. I feel like an empty shell of what I used to be. I used to be so happy. I used to actually care about myself and people around me. I genuinely don't have a reason to keep going. I have to fucking reason, I know I've said that a lot but it's hard to not repeat it. I have nothing to do, I've beaten DKS2, and read the talisman, played my first show with my band. Everything on my bucket list is done. My friends hate me, I'm the fucking punchline to every shitty joke they have. I genuinely don't know what to do. Every single day seems the same and that's because it has been. I'm too lazy to actually kill myself, which is crazy to say but it's true. If I really was dedicated I would've done it years ago. But I can't. If I did they'd blame the music, then my friends, and never realize it was my fault.

"I know your address, I ring the bell. I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells" - Stephen Page