u/EconomistStreet5295

So I found a flat near Finsbury Park, 5 mins away from the station, on Seven Sisters main road and it is exactly what I want. I went there twice for viewings during the day and it seems totally fine, maybe a bit run down but no different than Wapping or Dalston where I’ve spent lots of time as well. However, online I hear people saying the area is not safe.

I’m a tall guy and never had any problems in London but just want to get your thoughts. It seems very gentrified now, there’s a Gails, an M&S, a Gym box etc. The street itself seems busy but looks like local people just living there, very diverse and definitely quite a few people who may not be doing to well, but seemed no different than Dalston or Wapping.

The flat itself is 3rd floor and I couldn’t hear anything from outside, can’t even see the road as it has ceiling windows.

I love the connectivity, the value is great and tons of supermarkets and restaurants around. Just don’t wanna have to be scared to get mugged all the time! But it didn’t give me that impression

Hey reddit, basically I have an almost live long friend and we have an incredible friendship, but we have recently had an unexpected huge fight that made me realise a lot about where we are and I think I need a break.

To summarise, my friend was unhappy that I didn’t answer a direct question on text (I was at work and the topic was not important to either of us) and I sent a meme. They snapped at me and when I replied to tell them I was at work and to please not snap / want to pick a fight on Monday morning, they went ballistic. Instead of voicing their annoyance about me not answering the question, they were passive aggressive and turned it into a “What’s the point of me saying anything anyway if you don’t care”. Which I wasn’t having at 10am on a Monday, I wrote one sentence in a caps “PLEASE DON’T DO THIS OVER A MEME” and another with three question marks “??? What is happening”. Next day I try to just make peace and move on several times but it ended in my friend sending me a manifesto.

In that they told me they were at breaking point with my behaviour and communications and that they cried all day yesterday and had a mental breakdown. I was flabbergasted, this was a situation which A) they set the tone for and started, instead of just communicating their discontent and B) They turned a total of 6 texts into a huge foundational argument, in the week before a joint holiday where we both had tons of work to go through.

We had a call next day and I told them my viewpoint and how this is really unfair. They told me they don’t feel heard and started crying again and had a breakdown. I told them I’m sorry they feel that way but that their emotional reaction doesn’t validate their point of view and that it doesn’t reflect a simple WhatsApp exchange. That we can talk about communication but that they need to also include their snapping at me which set this all off. They said that was irrelevant here and this is much bigger. I found this really unfair because we hadn’t had a fight in years, apart from one where they randomly got annoyed at everyone at an event until they had a breakdown and realised they totally misinterpreted a situation. Their entire point was “I throw stones and then you throw a boulder”. I replied with, why are you always throwing stones at me in the first place and that I wasn’t the one that snapped, all I did was tell them this is out of proportion.

Long story short, the whole situation made me realise a lot on reflection. About how I always walk on egg shells around my friend because they might misunderstand something, about how I accept their snappy communications style because I know they don’t mean it and have problems controlling it, but that they put all my behaviour under a microscope. That they are very controlling in the friendship and need everything going their way. That they don’t understand how to have normal disagreements but turn everything into foundational arguments. And, that they only accept me if I behave like they want. I have undergone a lot of change and feel a lot more confident in myself, and the first thing they had told me is that they feel negative energy. Again, making me realise how manipulative they are.

Now I am considering a break. I need to review what happened and also set clear boundaries, I don’t think it’s healthy for a tiny thing to be turned into this kind of argument and it worries me that they had 2 mental breakdowns over some fairly normal text messages, especially when they actively looked to pick an argument. My friend is at a really bad point mentally since years and has recently really started to project that onto me, especially as I have been doing much better mentally and in life. They have a huge chip on their shoulders and it seems they are subconsciously trying to control they friendship and establish dominance because they feel me changing.

Whatever it is, I just don’t have energy for unnecessary drama. None of my other friends and I ever fight and I just cannot deal with them projecting their own mental instability on me. Whenever I try to help them, they tell me to stay out but now it’s really affecting me and I need a break from them. Has anyone had something similar? And also, is an all caps message as a reply to a passive aggressive snap at me so rude that it leads to a mental breakdown?

I now go on holiday with them and have decided to set a clear boundary of not talking about our fight there. I want to send them a letter (email) when back and tell them the above and say I need a break