u/Ecstatic_Basis_3306

I was talking with a friend, who is senior staff SWE at a unicorn startup and apparently he makes over a million dollah??? I knew his base was somewhere around the higher end of 300k but apparently his full compensation is, like, 75% equity?? And apparently he doesn't really even know, and because it won't fully "vest"(?) in the next 4 years he just ignores it?? Is this normal for all SWEs??? I don't have a job so I wouldn't know. Just think thats crazy

It's been really hot lately and so I've switched my typical skinny jeans and loose t-shirts for short skirts/shorts (with tights) and tank tops lately. I also stopped wearing glasses since it's too hot for that as well, and I started doing my eye makeup. Anyways, now suddenly I keep catching a bunch of old men staring at me and I this one dude wouldn't stop staring at me on the train. I got called a "babe" too. Some guy in his 20s or something (I am 16 and I feel that is obvious) offered me maryjuana. I get more free shit now though, like cookies.

I was wondering if anyone had similar experiences

Hi, I am in my sophomore year of high school (16, so I have two more school years after this). This is the last year I plan to attend art programs, since I plan to spend my next summer doing something more centered upon my planned major (which is physics or math, for now). For this summer I am choosing between two different art programs:

Program 1: Fine arts precollege with focus in painting/drawing and comics art

Pros	Cons
1 month long residential (so long! wow!!)	Student-teacher ratio: 14:1
Grants autonomy and a lot of time, and so I can explore the Brooklyn area a lot	Very loose admission, will likely be in the upper percentiles in terms of technical skill and over a month this may bolster my ego. Honestly just a pay-to-go program.
Social; ~400 students (VERY appealing)	Gives more room for artistic autonomy, which I feel like I dont deserve since I lack a good base.
Many museum art trips, and lots of activities and all	Won't have time to go to Peru, though I will still be visiting Europe nonetheless (though it is Paris, and I am a lot less interested in France than ancient Peruvian architecture)
Loose restrictions on dorms, will be able to sneak out

--> Main incentive is the social aspect and opportunity for exploration.

Program 2: Classical atelier intensive

Pros	Cons
10 days long residential	Seems less social, will be one of the younger students
6 students	My mom is gonna drive up to the program with me dammit
Focus on classical drawing and painting technique, which I am unfamiliar with and that I feel I need a base in. The technique they teach seems very appealing and I will only have the opportunity to learn it at this age if I enroll in adult class which I am very hesitant in doing	Calculated, I only draw like 30 hours a year and it will suck for this 100 hours to just be it instead of the maybe 100 base hours + 100 additional hours program A will provide. I do think I will improve more in this program, but honestly just art itself is fun. However, I feel like I am at the point where I cannot improve without additional help
Student-teacher ratio: 2:1
Beautiful scenery; there will be lots of plein air. And swimming in a lake.
Very competitive admissions, so will be one of the less skilled artists there. Almost all the teen work displayed looks a league better than mine

-->Main incentive is the technical art instruction I will receive

Both offer 100 hours of in class instruction, though program 1 involves a lot of extra out of class time working on assignments. Cost is irrelevant.

I will put a sample of my art in the comments so maybe y'all can judge what I need most??

What is the reasoning behind the standard deviation formula? What difference is there between a population and a sample that warrants two different variants of the formula? What was the thought process of the dude who created it? I would have imagined the formula would just be the average of the distance of each data point from the average of those data points, but it obviously isn't. Does it have something to do with making my aforementioned hand made formula more fit for the bell curve data sets it is applied to? If so, HOW?

I am a high school student for context and I hate when they throw formulas at me ad never bother to explain them

What is the reasoning behind the standard deviation formula? What difference is there between a population and a sample that warrants two different variants of the formula? What was the thought process of the dude who created it? I would have imagined the formula would just be the average of the distance of each data point from the average of those data points, but it obviously isn't. Does it have something to do with making my aforementioned hand made formula more fit for the bell curve data sets it is applied to? If so, HOW?

I am 16, and for a very long time I have felt very inhuman. Everyone seems so shiny and faraway from me, who is very bad. Everyone has passions, and things they are looking forward to in life while I feel like I am just drifting and briefly attaching to things before falling off of them. Everyone seems so honest in how they express themselves, like real people, and yet myself on the other hand has no personality. When I entered high school I completely switched up my personality based on the sorts of girls who seem the most lively and since then I have been developing it based on people's reactions. Everything from the way I inflict my words, the way I keep my eyes open, how I take up my backpack, what I do with my arms when I am bored, how I look at people, the things I say "unthinkingly", my handwriting, my posture is made up. My general personality too. It was careless in a meaner way in the begging of the year, but now it is just careless in a dumb way. Again everyone is so shiny and beautiful, and this feeling has only gotten worse over the past fourish years.

I used to think I could change, so in the beginning of the year I wrote a note to myself promising to kill myself in May if I did not become beautiful like everyone else. However, by May I no longer thought I could change. A thing about myself is that I have never felt gratitude (and I am very lucky: my father works hard so I can do all these things, like have diamonds and multiple trips to Europe and Asia and another house too, residential art camps and all, shopping, trust, college accounts from my family.. etc.. a lot to be thankful for) despite the work everyone puts in for me and the fact that I am not surrounded by people who have things like myself (Here, I am just thinking of a paper I read a year ago about happiness stemming from wealth is less based on the volume of it but by how the holder perceives himself compared to the people around him). Then, when I do something wrong, something very wrong, I can't feel the depth of it even as both my parents are screaming and crying. I feel a little something, but I can't reach it and cannot for the life of me bring myself into the situation and I get bored of it even though I love my parents very much. Again, I feel like I am so utterly far away from everyone else.

I am not depressed at all! I am not terrifically happy either but everyday I enjoy so much things like the scene of the river as I cross it on my way to school or recently how warm the sun has been and how pretty I feel when its rays falls on my face and makes me feel silver. However, understanding myself as such a bad and inhuman sort of person I really and logically had no interest to see how my life would unfold because I was very sure that I would never be able to live properly and just end up disappointing everyone including myself and become a poor drug addict or something, I did what I decided I'd do in September. I had a 27 hour sort of suicide marathon on Saturday where I sort of just experimented with different methods of death by a combination of drugs and ways of asphyxiation and when I finally got it right on my 5th attempt (it was very peaceful, and not painful at all as I began to lose consciousness- I had to find a way where my body wouldn't involuntarily jerk away) I realized perhaps I hadn't thought hard enough and maybe my dad would kill himself too and I really wouldn't want that for such a beautiful person like him and so I quit. I told him about it and he took my stuff away and now I have no way to kill myself again and honestly I sort of regret telling him because literally nothing has changed. I am planning to do it again sometime in July (before he forces me to go to Peru so In a sense I am going to kill myself because I don't want to go to Peru) and I know that second chances are always welcome and if there are any ways to stop seeing myself as so utterly disgusting and ugly?

Another big reason of why I feel so faraway is that I go to a gifted school (3percent acceptance rate) and so everyone is obviously going somewhere here. I am in an algebra II class in 10th grade and yet I can't bring myself to study because I am stuck on Prealgebra from middle school and I can't shake the feeling of not having earned a complete understanding of it yet. And I feel worse about moving on from it because I was also studying algebra II in 8th grade and something with my high school admissions didn't let me to move onto Pre-calc since I was homeschooled then. And I know as soon as I move on I'll just feel worse because I was supposed to could've been in Calc II next year and yet ill just be in pre calc and I feel so far far far awayyyy far far far away, and perhaps I am illiterate? I missed five years of middle school (private, complex reasons) and while I read I keep finding myself drawn to books I've read before years ago because I feel like I just haven't been able to understand them. I feel like I can understand anything I feel so dumb how can I be less dumb? nothing makes sense there is something in evyehting and I just can't realize any of it. There is something important in the carpet or something important on the cover of a book and I will stare at it and yet I cannot understand it how can I have less of an obsession with understnaindg, have less of an obsession with becoming human and just begin to consciously ignore my self? If I weren't a human it'd be much better. I am just ranting now? There is so much in the world and everything and everyone is seriously so interesting and beautiful except me. I feel like I am so faraway from everyone else, so behind everyone else, I feel like I've missed everything what do I do?? the world is so faraway from me I feel so far away what do I do?? I dont think I can't get a therapist my mom wouldn't let me but how do I become closer and more intimate with the world what do I do to become human and join everyone else what do I do