I F 18 just broke up with my M 26 partner and my friends are faulting me. I need advice
I made a mistake in the title, I’m 19 and he’s 27.
My friends have me second guessing ending my relationship
Also posted in r/charlottedobre
I’m going to keep this as condensed as I can because I’m here to vent but don’t want to make this post too long. For context: I (19 F) just broke up with my bf (27M) and I am aware that the age gap already has a lot of people in their gears but please just listen to my story and give me advice.
Roughly 2 months ago, I discovered he’s in one of those explicit group chats when I was borrowing his phone. I was about to leave the group chat when he took his phone and told me not to.
Red flag.
According to him: “my brother wants me in this group chat to see if his gf is in there.” Which is a stupid excuses because first of all, why would your brother want you seeing his gf like that???
I tried not to say anything in the moment but I kept it in mind because wtf?
A couple weeks later, he was scrolling through his photos and I saw an explicit video (it definitely wasn’t me because I’d remember having white skin) and took the opportunity to express how uncomfortable I am with my partner viewing explicit material of other people and that I believe it’s disrespectful to me. This time, he tried to excuse his actions with: “it’s not a local woman so my chances of meeting her isn’t great”
Second red flag.
I also made it very clear that I thought it was a deal breaker and won’t stay with a man who does it. I also threw in that , if he wants a girlfriend who’s okay with that kind of thing, be with a girl who’s okay with it. He reiterated that it’s only me he wants and left the group chat and also deleted the video. I believed that he understood and it was alright between us.
Ik, I’m stupid.
Fast forward to today, we were about to initiate “having coitus” as Sheldon Cooper would say 😂 when I glimpsed him switching apps from safari to YouTube. GUYS! All I saw was a white ass- and had to take a look at my skin to remind myself that I, in fact, am black so it definitely ain’t my ass.
I picked his phone up, switched back to safari and rested it on his chest, before I began to pack my clothes without another word.
At first he believed I wasn’t serious until I came back to watch him delete my nudes off his phone.
This was where the excuses started to pile in.
“You’re really ending it with me because of this?”
Yes. Yes I am.
“Other men do worse”
I know. That’s why I’m not with them.
“What if I have a problem?”
Your opportunity to tell me has passed.
“What if I’m using it to help us”
EXCUSE ME?! You think that watching someone else having sex before having sex with me would make me feel flattered? I feel gross because now I think that you were imagining them while inside of me.
This was the moment all my respect was lost for him and I yelled at him for the first time.
“I. Do. Not. Care.”
Anyways, so I was telling my sister and my friend about this when they both told me “so?” And my friend responded with: “that was petty, men will be men”
GUYS. WHEN I TELL YOU HOW MUCH I ABHOR THAT PHRASE!!!!
At the end of the day, there’s someone out there who doesn’t do those things and that’s who I want to be with.
Please help me, I’m very conflicted on what to do here