u/Ecstatic_Status4655

TW for throwing up

I apologize in advance, as I've never been diagnosed with endo, but I feel y'all might be able to offer encouragement. I've thrown up nearly every single time I've started my period at 11 years old, I'm 26 now. I've thrown up so much that I've learned water is the same going down as it is coming up. The pain is so unbearable in my whole body that I cry and wish death would just take me already. I've thrown up over twenty times in the span of 2 hours, and not just retching, like the full thing. Over and over. I've tried the ER, Urgent Care, Women's facilities, they just throw birth control at me. I've cried in front of them and they just look at me crazy. I've tried just about everything but the IUD. I'm tired of being tired from all of this.

This isn't sugar-coating the abuse, nor am I trying to sway or disrespect anyone's beliefs or the little lives lost, I simply want to lay down what we know about death in hopes it can transmute a nightmare into something that prevents people from becoming too lost in all of this.

They do feel pain, they do feel fear, but as we can understand the protective measures our bodies produce to manage pain and fear among ourselves, we must know that our smaller mammal companions experience the same.

Under extreme amounts of stress, the body releases endorphins and adrenaline, these act as a pain reliever that helps the body detach enough from a painful situation to fight for survival. Pain can be dulled, though not completely. This is why sometimes you will hear about someone sustaining and injury and not being aware of the pain until later. But these chemicals don't just help with pain, they can also cause dissociation when pain becomes too unbearable. Dissociation is pivotal when the body is overwhelmed, depending on how you view the situation, because dissociation causes the brain to lose focus of everything happening around you.

And though death doesn't occur from the intensity of abuse, it's only when the body can no longer keep it's vital functions running properly, such as the heart beating and providing oxygen to organs, and the brain controlling every function of the body. When these are disrupted is when death occurs, but it isn't without a good fight.

I offer this information to you as reprieve. Despite the suffering being very real, death is relief. Even if the cats can't understand why this is happening to them, their bodies know how to carry them as much as they can until the end.

Is it peaceful? No. But the suffering always ends. And while I don't find comfort in knowing any of this is happening at all, I do know that the pain doesn't last forever. I light candles and insense for them, I speak to them aloud just as I would a dead relative. I pet my own cats with the thought I am petting them. And though their bodies are gone, their energy and souls live through the love and compassion we show to the ones still with us.