u/Educational-Bonus-82

ACT 1

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Scene 1

{enter Polpinstein, jessica, the reporter and the archbishop}

Archbishop:

This is a day of great importance, the return of the humble and generous Polpinstein, today is marked with hardship and bravery, today Polonstein will unite th-

Polpinstein:

I think it is best that I speak on my own actions, do you not?

Archbishop:

Y-yes, yes of course

Polpenstein:

Very well then,*looks at the audience*

as you may know, I’m the 47th chancellor of the united empire of america,and the 3rd to be re-elected into office, after taking most of the globes politics other than a few rogues and insurrectionists, I have brought prosperity to humanity, but there are those who oppose this, and we don't want to end up like the russians do we, that's why I have brought a lasting peace upon this sacred land that is why and I will continue bring peace and unity to the entire world, but there are those among us who think this is evil, those who opposed the american empire and love the weakness of the ccp, in order to reach that peace, we must take what is ours, even if its by a heavier hand than you or I want.

Reporter:

But what about the treaty, remember what happened to the russians in 1989, if we start anything it cou-

Polpenstein:

That's preposterous. There is no way we would achieve a mutually assured destruction like those damn soviets, remember what kind of technology I funded.

Reporter:

I see Mr chancellor, but on other news in, what about Jessica? Where does she fit into all of this if you’ll be so busy?

Polpenstein:

Yes, after her parents tragic death to a mutual enemy, I took her in temporarily, but I intend to appoint her a bodyguard so she may return to her stead

Reporter:

Who is this mysterious person? If you don't mind me asking

Polpenstein:

Of course I don't mind, the man who I appointed is named Daniel, he bested all the other competitors by a mile and excelled in physical, moral and mental areas of testing, and has shown proficiency in acrobatics testing.

{at daniels coronation}

Polpenstein:

*Hands daniel the family rapier*

This is an heirloom from the royal family passed down generation to generation. I will now give you the honor to wield this symbol of unity between the past, present and future of the united empire of america. Repeat the oath to me

Both:

I solemnly pledge allegiance to my princess and the american empire and promise to protect them with my life

*Daniel kneels and Polpinstein knights him with the rapier*

Daniel:

*stands at attention*

Thank you for the honor, chancellor

*polpenstein exits*

Hello ma'am, I suppose I’ll be have the honor of leading you home

Jessica:

*scoffs*

Don't act so familiar with me, just because you are qualified to protect me doesn't make you special!

Scene 2

{at the royale mansion in california}

Jessica:

Make yourself useful and mop the floor, and don’t think I’m ignorant to your true identity, clown.

Daniel:

Yes ma'am

*jessica exits*

What a petulant child she is, thinking she's some kind of goddess, although I do get why she's like this, losing her parents at such a young age, and her eyes could light up a room if she wasn’t so bratty.

*Jessica renters chuckling*

Jessica:

Hey clown boy, why don't you juggle some balls for me, or throw a pie at your face!

Daniel:

That is not my job here ma-

Jessica:

Quit it with the formalities, you're my servant and you do as I say

Daniel:

I'm not your servant, I'm your bod-

Jessica:

Oh, pipe down lap dog, you're only good for doing what I say and making me laugh

Daniel:

As you wish, what would you like me to do

Jessica:

I want to indulge in greasy junk food or what is more commonly known as soul food as the poor people say,so get me a slice of pizza, but not any pizza. I will only lay my tongue on New York pizza as it has proper cheese and sauce on its dough and unlike those knaves who consume deep dish pizza, it has proper proportions, and I want it PIPING HOT!

Daniel:

But we’re in california! That would be a 2,914 mile drive. How am I supposed to get a pizza from all the way across the country without it getting cold, how am I supposed to retrieve it at all, an uber!? That would cost $58,280!

Jessica:

Am I supposed to care, I have my family's entire bank account in my back pocket.

Daniel:

That's not the point, it's cheaper to do it at home

Jessica:

And you think you can cook nearly as good as any cook from new york, they have their roots in italy after all

Daniel:

Oh, I’ll make it unforgettable

Jessica:

Fine, but it better be good, and don't add any peppers, olives or any red meat, it gives me gas

Daniel:

So I suppose thou wanteth me to have the divine pleasure of adding plenty beans and legumes to your pizza then

Jessica:

Absolutely not! That would put my on the toilet for so long people would think I croaked

Scene 3

{at the kitchen}

Daniel:

This pie should do well, thank goodness I have that recipe dave gave me, lets see for the dough, 3 ½ cups all-purpose flour, ½ cup warm water 1 packet active dry yeast 2 tbsp olive oil,1 tsp sugar,1 tsp salt and ½ cup of milk, then I make the sauce with fresh and canned tomatoes with paprika, garlic powder and sugar along with a squeeze of lemon juice, and for the cheese I add shredded mozzarella with a tiny amount of cheddar and parmesan cheese, i then add a few dollops of butter to the top to make the pizza to add a richness to it, then i put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

*when it's done, jessica walks back in*

Jessica:

This better be good

*she takes a bite and her eyes lit up*

W-wow! I-I mean it's ok, passible at best.

Daniel:

Oh really

Jessica:

Y-yeah

Daniel:

How wouldst thou rateth my services on a 5 star metric

Jessica:

A 2!

Daniel:

Art thoust surest? I cannot collect accurate data without honest answers

Jessica:

Ok fine! I'd give it a 4.5,not a 5 just because you didn't take me to new york

Daniel:

Oh, I thought you love it here in your palace

Jessica:

I hate it here

Daniel:

Why? Is this place not one of the 8 wonders of the world

Jessica:

I don't feel safe here

Daniel:

How? this place has state of the art security with reinforced walls, no one can come in without permission

Jessica:

*scoffs*

Tell that to my parents

Daniel:

Oh, I uh

Jessica:

Its fine, just don't talk about it

Daniel:

I'll take you to new york if you want

Scene 4

{at daves pizza hut}

Dave:

Dude what kind of order is that

Customer:

I want a leopard spotted pie with Cornicione crust, a 3 inch cheese pull minimum, a a 2 cm cheese drag no more no less, I want it an avalanche and I want some bones on the side

Dave:

A what!?

Customer:

I said I want a leopard spotted pie with Cornicione crust, a 3 inch cheese pull minimum, a 2 cm cheese drag no more no less, I want it to be an avalanche and I want some bones on the side!

Dave:

I don’t understand, are you speaking hieroglyphic?

Customer:

I swear to god! If you keep being a dumbass, I'm going to knock the living daylights out of you!

Dave:

We serve pizzas here dude, not pies

*the customer slaps him across the face*

Dude, not cool

Customer:

*grabs a pizza cutter*

I’m gonna slice you up and teach you a lesson!

Daniel:

THATS IT DUDE! I tried to be calm but you just won't calm the hell down and order like a human being and now you're threatening me? put my shit down, get the hell out of my store and never come back before I call the damn cops on you!

{in the car with jessica and daniel}

Jessica:

Ok, just lay low and don't make a scene

Daniel

Alright

{they head in and dave's eyes light up}

Dave

HEY! How's my favorite ragazzo pagliaccio

Daniel

Buon, We have so much to catch up on man

Dave

Of course we do

Daniel

As you probably know I get to babysit graziosi principi over there

Dave:

Oh yeah, I saw that on tv, not sure if I vibe with Polpinstein though

Daniel:

Why? He seems like an alright guy to me

David:

He just seems a bit authoritarian and warmongorish, you know I feel about conflicts

Daniel:

Yeah, never start a fight, just finish it

David:

Yeah, and it seems like he's looking for a fight

Daniel:

But off that topic, how are you hanging

David:

Pretty alright, can't complain

Daniel:

So, how many Idioti did you deal with today

Dave:

More like stronzos

Daniel:

Woah, language

Dave:

What, it's just asshole

Daniel:

Not in front of the princess

Dave:

It was in italian anyways, she wont understand it

Daniel:

It's not about that

Jessica:

I'm not a child, I can handle a few cuss words you know

Daniel:

Alright, but no funny business

*knock knock knock*

Dave:

Whos that?

*a man walks in with a gun*

Robber:

This is a robbery, get on the ground!

Daniel:

Jessica, go somewhere safe, dave, go with her

*daniel disarms the man*

What do you want, I know it's not money

Robber

Nothin clown boy, just finishing what I started

Daniel:

Started?

Robber:

Yeah, with pretty princess over there

Daniel:

Oh, oh god, I’m taking you in

{at the interrogation room}

Daniel:

Who are you and who are you working for

Robber:

Don't you understand? Why do you think i'm not in jail

Daniel:

And why is that

Robber:

My boss wouldn't like me to say

Daniel:

Whos your boss

Robber:

Just the man who put you where you are now

Daniel:

POLPINSTEIN!?

Robber:

Bingo, right on the money kid, he paid me to kill the girl's parents and to plant evidence on his rival so he goes to jail

Daniel:

I won't let you get away with that

Robber:

Oh and what are you gonna do?

Daniel:

*grabs the gun and loads it*

I hope you have fun in hell

*fires 3 shots to the head*

Daniel:

What do I do, what do I tell jessica, that I just killed the man who assassinated her parents and just tried to do the same to her, how would she react, how would dave react, I'm not sure how to react myself, and if polpinstein is involved, I need to take him down for good.

{daniel goes back to the pizza shop}

Jessica:

Oh, thank god you're here, I’ve been terrified without you, I mean I missed you a little bit I guess

Daniel:

We need to go now

Jessica:

Why, is it important

Daniel:

Yet. It's very important

{they get in the car and drive off}

Daniel:

There's something you need to know

Jessica:

What is it?

Daniel:

Promise me you won't freak out and that you’ll believe me

Jessica:

Alright, just tell me what's so important

Daniel:

The man that robbed the store, he's the man that took your parents from this world

Jessica:

W-what, but isn't he supposed to be in jail, and isn't it poplinteins rival who did it, not just some bum robber

Daniel:

He was paid off by Polpenstein to do his dirty work, and to frame his political enemies

Jessica:

I-i can't believe it, w-why was he here

Daniel:

To finish the job

Jessica:

*tears up a bit*

Where is he now

Daniel:

I, I killed him

Jessica:

Good

*hugs daniel*

We should go home

Daniel:

No, polpinstein controls too much there

Jessica:

Where do you suggest

Daniel:

I know just the place, for right now

Scene 5

{they arrive to david's house}

Jessica:

Is this another one of your friends?

Daniel:

He's my idol, his names david doberman, he was a leading general in the canadian war, hes trained me well

Jessica:

Wait, general doberman? Like the general doberman, he's known as the canadian doom

Daniel:

Sure is, he's also a sweet old man

*they knock*

David:

Who's there? Oh hey daniel, that your new girlfriend, she seems a bit young and blue blooded for your type eh

*Chuckles*

Daniel:

Oh quit it, our relationship is is professional, platonic at best, plus shes 25

*jessica blushes faintly*

David:

Oh my, 25, a year younger, and I would have thought she’d be in diapers

Daniel:

There's something we need to discuss

David:

You can tell me anything

Daniel:

We found out polpinstein is responsible for killing jessica's parents

David:

*puts his hands behind his back, crossing his fingers*

Well, you must need to stay the night then

Daniel:

We would be honored

David:

I’ll get the room set up for you two

*they go in the room*

Jessica:

There's only one bed

Daniel:

You use the bed, I’ll sleep on the floor

Jessica:

No, the beds big enough for both of us to use it

Daniel:

If you insist

{in the morning}

David:

Would you like some breakfast before you go

Jessica

Yes please

David:

Good, I already made my special pancakes

Daniel:

Thanks man

*they eat the breakfast*

Daniel:

Wow, it's better than last time somehow

*they finish*

Jessica:

Welp we should be going

Daniel

Arrivederci

David:

finché non ci incontreremo di nuovo

*they exit and he pulls his phone out*

Polpinstein, this is david, I put the tracker on them like you wanted, now give me my wife back

Polpinstein

You’ll have to wait

David:

What do you mean wait!? I did all you asked of me

Polpenstein:

You'll have your wife when we deal with the two, plus with the way I’m treating her, she might just not miss you

David:

You better not be implying what i think you are

Polpenstein:

Oh, are you jealous that my ring would have a bigger diamond

David:

Shut up you lying bastard, you’re nothing but a weasel

Polpenstein:

I like to think of myself as a vulture, looking for opportunities, but enough of the chit chat, I have more pressing matters to attend to

{at the car}

Daniel:

We should be safe for now

{they hear a siren}

Johny:

Hands up

Daniel:

Who are you, what do you want

Johny:

You have been suspected for the kidnapping of princess jessica

Daniel:

What? I did not

Jessica:

This is nonsense, he did no-

Johny:

Stop resisting! I am permitted to use lethal force

Daniel:

You wouldn't dare!

*he tranquilizes daniel*

Jessica:

Get your dirty hands off him

*tranqs her too*

{In polpinsteins office}

Polpenstein:

You're finally awake

Daniel:

Where are we?

Johny:

You’ll find out soon enough boy

Act 2

__________________________________

Polpenstein: {Appears from the shadows} Hello, daniel

Daniel: You! You traitorous, deceitful,manipulative bastard.

Polpenstein: Oh really, and what might have I done

Daniel: You were behind the royal family's murder, you manipulated my friend and you control the police force.

Polpenstein: Oh, and I’ve done much more.

Daniel: Like what?

Polpenstein: Well, for starters, I've implemented a new kind of exoskeleton known as the R.E.D.D, research explore and destroy drones, They’re designed to be able to withstand heat, cold radiation and much much more, secondly I’ve been Investing in meta human creation and cloning technology, and I’ve been working on something big that will wipe out any enemy I have

Jessica: And exactly what would that be

Polpenstein: Ahh, jessica my dear, I’m glad you asked, they call it the Orbital Ionized Accelerated Particle Beam or O.I.A.P.B, it collects energy from the sun with solar panels and concentrates that energy through thousands of extremely powerful lenses, akin to putting a magnifying glass to ants, except instead of ants, it can vaporise people, cars, even entire buildings wiped off the map across the world in less than a second due to it going at the speed of light, emitting enough energy to disable all electronic devices in a 50 mile radius of the blast zone, turning the ground into molten hot magma, causing earthquakes and turning any sand in the area to atomic glass.

Daniel: What do you want with me

Polpenstein: I want you to be my apprentice, imagine what we could do if we joined forces, we have a common enemy, you love your country correct, then join me, I know you never really knew your father, but I can fill his shoes, just do what I say

Daniel: No, I refuse to align myself with a monster like you!

Polpenstein: If you insist

Daniel: So, that was you’ve just come up with a way to bypass the law against nuclear arms and you think I’d just go along with it, and why tell us all this, we could just report you with this information.

Polpenstein: I hoped you'd be smarter than this, do you think anyone other than that half wit pizza boy would take the word of an ex clown and a bratty, ,mentally unstable, spoiled princess, I don't think so, plus you’re right, you do know too much, but who said I’m letting you go free, ever

Daniel: You really need to tie your knots better, someone might break free

{stands}

Polpenstein: Imressive… but not enough, Johny, get them, bring them to the wasteland

Johny: Yes sir *draws weapon* You're in for a bad time youngin

Daniel: you can't do this*they're taken away*

Scene 2: In the wasteland

R.E.D.D mk 1: Daniel, Princess Jessica, you are under arrest for treason against chancellor Polpenstein, you will be escorted to the wasteland for the indefinite future or until given the permission to leave.

*They’re taken to the wasteland*

Jessica: Damn it, how the hell are we supposed to get out of this dump! That damn bastard, that damn traitor, that damn tyrant!

Daniel: We won't get anywhere like this, we need a plan of action

Jessica: And how exactly do you figure we do that, it's not like there's any working tools, any damn people in this junkyard, nothing, no water, no food and no usable resources plus there's a crazy ass jester here and nobody knows what it is.

Daniel: That jester is just a wise tale pedaled by people from after the great world war to prevent people from going here as tourists.

*hours pass, they see a figure*

Daniel:*approaches* Who are you

???:Why hello, hello! you must be visitors, visitors!

Jessica: Holy shit! Its…its

The jester: who, little old me?

Daniel: YES YOU! You're that damn jester everyone talks about in the stories, the one who brings death, the one who could end someone with a breath

The jester: oh, you got me, you got me! Tis I, but who might thou be, HE HE!

Daniel: I'm Daniel, that's Jessica, and we aren't here for jokes

The jester: No jokes, No jokes? You speak of no jokes yet I can smell the clown on you, I bet you're an amateur, amature.

Daniel: I AM NOT A-

Jessica: I’ll have you know, he was quite good at juggling and all that, he wore the white makeup with pride, unlike a creep like you!

The jester: Creep, Creep? I can assure you that I am no creep

Daniel: If you're no creep, help us get out

The jester: fine, fine! But after a game

Daniel: What kind of game!

The jester: You have to beat me in a clown-off

Hello, I’m Brian Coalsky and I love to smile. Smiling is one of my hobbies because like my boss says, you're never fully dressed without one. Some of my hobbies include eating plain food because sodium chloride burns my mouth, drinking water, and my favorite hobby is breathing! I wake up in the morning, take my Happy Pills©, then I go to work, then I go home. I've never seen my own face because my home has no mirrors.

I work as a researcher for a company called the M.K.G, I’m not sure what it means though, I do research on cell division and the properties of stem cells. I've learned quite a bit, but I'm still learning and smiling. Our company policy is that a smile keeps the questions away, and I hate questions.

I usually hate going in the woods because I'm too scared, but I'm feeling drawn somehow. It's like a frequency, I walk out and things start looking weird, nothing is as it seems, and I start to panic, then I hear something strange. A radio saying “Brian's Genetrex Neocytin Chronexol pills are wearing off, what do we do?” I'm left there stunned. But I go back to my daily routine. I start my morning off with a dose of my Happy Pills©. Months go by and I can't stop thinking about that frequency, what am I consuming, what are the Happy Pills©, what am i doing. I go into my files and found something labeled “🛇🛇” so i opened it, it read, “classified: whoever finds this is liable for legal prosecution and arrest. We have been working on cloning using our new biotechnology, we finally made progress, but it needs special pills to keep its cells from degenerating and breaking down, we discovered that certain frequencies combined with certain chemicals makes it more docile and suggestable, we added that formula to our new pills, we start the simulation tomorrow.”

“Frequencies, chemicals, simulation? What the heck's that about?” I think to myself as I start flipping through other books on biology, and lucky for me, I find something, Dimethyltryptamine, if you're unaware of what it is, it's a drug that puts someone in a dreamlike state. So I found the chemical, but what about the frequency? So I read through a book about sound frequency and its effects on the brain and body, then I found it. I found that 4 hz to 8 hz keeps the mind susceptible and open. The next day I don't take my pills, then I put in earplugs and everything looks different again. Despite my fear of the woods, I go in.

I go deeper and deeper, the shadows swallowing the sun, and I find a door on the side of the mountain. There's a pass code so I put my birthday in as a joke, but it actually activated the door. I walk in and it's dark, damp and musky. I turn on a light and notice the corpse of a scientist who was in here,“poor guy” I mutter to myself, until I read his name tag. His name tag says coalsky, but my last name is coalsky.

I saw a cassette tape on the table and listened to it, it said “2008:My first experiment failed, the decay rate is too fast, the cells just can't hold stability for long enough to study and I only have 5 months to perfect it, or I lose my job” I skipped a few, “test 101:It's much better, but it decays in 5 minutes.” interesting, I've studied this phenomenon on my free time, “theory: maybe if I create a substance it'll work and I'll finally be respected by my peers” I skipped through more, “it finally worked and the host is learning fast, he's so pliable and suggestible, like an infant or a-”. *footsteps*

What is the military doing here, they shouldn't be here for another month!

”Dr. Coalsky, wir haben einen Durchsuchungsbefehl für Ihre Schöpfung zur weiteren Untersuchung.”

“NO! Sergeant Müller, You can't do this to me, it's too dangerous! The cells that it's composed of can't stabilize without the pills I'm manufacturing,” *gunshots fired, waling and screaming, something was chanted in German, “Ein Hoch auf die Metamenschen!" "Alle huldigen dem Übermenschen!”,the cassette tape suddenly turns off.*

Dr. Coalsky I repeat in my head me, my creator who used his cells to bring me to life, I stare into the blackness as my fate is sealed, my memories come flooding back as my cells deteriorate, and collapse causing me to sit there paralysed by sheer agony, it feels as if I'm being torn apart from the inside, and after all that, all the fear and confusion, here I die with my creator, my true father, and all I can do is smile.

Which thumbnail is better

4 part poem

My play script so far

The lab

The hero we all need