I [21F] am not sure how to break up with my boyfriend [21M].
Hi everyone, I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We were long distance for our last year of college, and we both just graduated last month. Everything was great until about two months ago, when I began to have some personal doubts about our relationship. He was constantly referring to our future together post-college, and the idea just didn’t excite me as much as it used to. This feeling of doubt was a bit on and off until recently, but over the last week or two it has become evident that I need to break up with him. He is an amazing guy — sweet, funny, very caring and polite, basically everything you could want in a boyfriend. I recently met his entire family and they were lovely, and my family loves him as well. There is absolutely nothing wrong that he has done to make me upset or to prompt a break up with him. The problem is an entirely internal one. I am feeling restricted by our relationship right now at this incredibly transformative time of our lives, and on top of that I am having some identity struggles that are making it hard for me to be 100% present and to feel as excited for a future together as he does. I feel like I don’t really have the capacity to offer him all of the love and kindness that he deserves. The problem now lies in how I go about doing this… he is currently visiting me and my family who loves him dearly and will be here until after my birthday. Both of our birthdays are quickly approaching and he was planning on celebrating them together - mine is in a week and his is a week later. How do I know when the right time is? It doesn’t feel right to do it at my house and then ship him off on a bus home by himself. Do I wait until we’re at his house? But then again it also feels asshole-ish to wait until after my birthday and before his. What do I say?? Please help… I have never broken up with anyone before (I have been broken up with twice in the past, and this is his first relationship so he has never been broken up with) and as much as I wish I didn’t have to, I have to respect myself and would like to do it with as much kindness and care for him as I can. Any advice is much appreciated.
TLDR: How do I go about breaking up with my boyfriend who has done nothing wrong kindly?