u/Effective-Many8027

Hi everyone,

I'm 20 years old and have been struggling with anxiety and hypervigilance.

This all started last October after my mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia. That diagnosis terrified me, and I became obsessed with the thought:

"What if I develop schizophrenia too?"

The first fear was:

"What if I'm hearing voices?"

The strange thing is that I never actually heard external voices. It was always my own mind asking, "What if you're hearing voices?" That question alone would send me into panic.

Over time, the fear changed, but the mechanism stayed the same. It went from:

Fear of hearing voices.

Fear about my own sexuality ("What if I'm becoming gay?").

Fear of my own imagination and thoughts ("Why am I imagining voices? Why am I creating scenarios? Am I going crazy because I daydream so much?").

The content kept changing, but it was always the same cycle of intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, checking, and anxiety.

After last November, these fears gradually disappeared, and from around December until May I felt almost completely normal. I genuinely forgot this was even a problem.

Then I went through a stressful breakup last month, and the same fears came back. They aren't constant—they usually flare up for a day or two, disappear again, and then return during periods of stress.

For example, yesterday my house flooded. I spent hours dealing with the situation and didn't think about any of this once. Later that night, when everything became quiet, my brain suddenly asked:

"What if you're hearing voices?"

and the panic started again.

I don't actually hear external voices. I don't lose touch with reality. When I'm calm, I know these are just intrusive thoughts and anxiety. But when the panic hits, it feels incredibly convincing.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of "fear of going crazy" where your brain constantly wants you to check your own thoughts, imagination, or sanity?

I'm not looking for a diagnosis—just hoping to hear from people who've experienced something similar and what helped them break the cycle.

TL;DR: My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and since then I've developed a recurring anxiety that I'm "going crazy." It started as a fear of hearing voices, then shifted to fears about my own thoughts, imagination, and even my sexuality. The fears disappeared for months, came back after a stressful breakup, and now they flare up occasionally. I don't actually hear external voices or lose touch with reality, but the anxiety feels very convincing when it happens.

Thanks for reading.

I'm a 20-year-old guy living alone with my mother. My father is no longer in the picture, and my older brother passed away when he was 21. Since then, a lot of responsibility has fallen on me.

My childhood was difficult. There was domestic violence, police and court cases, and a lot of instability. After my brother died, I developed anxiety and health issues, and over the past few years I've been trying to rebuild my life.

About 8 months ago, my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Since then I've been helping manage appointments, treatment, household responsibilities, and supporting her emotionally. I love my mother and I know she has been through a lot herself, so this isn't a post about blaming her.

The problem is that she has become very dependent on me. She doesn't stop me from seeing friends, but I often feel like I have to explain where I'm going, when I'll be back, and why I'm leaving. I switched my gym schedule to the morning because she was uncomfortable with me being out in the evenings. Recently I started taking evening walks so she could gradually get used to being alone for a couple of hours.

We've had several fights because she gets upset when I'm spending time talking to other people. For example, she has asked me to end phone calls with people I care about, and when I push back, she often becomes emotional and starts crying. She has also sometimes blamed the people I'm talking to rather than acknowledging that the conflict is really between us.

What makes this difficult is that I'm exhausted. In the past few years I've dealt with my brother's death, my mother's illness, family issues, and the loss of two important relationships. I feel like I've spent most of my life taking care of other people and carrying responsibilities that are bigger than what most 20-year-olds deal with.

I don't want to abandon my mother. I don't want to stop helping her. But I also don't want to lose my own life, friendships, future relationships, career, and independence.

For people who have cared for a parent with serious mental illness, how do you set healthy boundaries without constantly feeling guilty? How do you support someone you love while also making sure you don't burn out yourself?

TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old caring for my mother, who has schizophrenia. I love her and want to help her, but she has become very dependent on me and struggles when I spend time with other people or want more independence. I'm emotionally exhausted and looking for advice on setting healthy boundaries without feeling guilty.

I'm a 20-year-old guy living alone with my mother. My father is no longer in the picture, and my older brother passed away when he was 21. Since then, a lot of responsibility has fallen on me.

My childhood was difficult. There was domestic violence, police and court cases, and a lot of instability. After my brother died, I developed anxiety and health issues, and over the past few years I've been trying to rebuild my life.

About 8 months ago, my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Since then I've been helping manage appointments, treatment, household responsibilities, and supporting her emotionally. I love my mother and I know she has been through a lot herself, so this isn't a post about blaming her.

The problem is that she has become very dependent on me. She doesn't stop me from seeing friends, but I often feel like I have to explain where I'm going, when I'll be back, and why I'm leaving. I switched my gym schedule to the morning because she was uncomfortable with me being out in the evenings. Recently I started taking evening walks so she could gradually get used to being alone for a couple of hours.

We've had several fights because she gets upset when I'm spending time talking to other people. For example, she has asked me to end phone calls with people I care about, and when I push back, she often becomes emotional and starts crying. She has also sometimes blamed the people I'm talking to rather than acknowledging that the conflict is really between us.

What makes this difficult is that I'm exhausted. In the past few years I've dealt with my brother's death, my mother's illness, family issues, and the loss of two important relationships. I feel like I've spent most of my life taking care of other people and carrying responsibilities that are bigger than what most 20-year-olds deal with.

I don't want to abandon my mother. I don't want to stop helping her. But I also don't want to lose my own life, friendships, future relationships, career, and independence.

For people who have cared for a parent with serious mental illness, how do you set healthy boundaries without constantly feeling guilty? How do you support someone you love while also making sure you don't burn out yourself?

TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old caring for my mother, who has schizophrenia. I love her and want to help her, but she has become very dependent on me and struggles when I spend time with other people or want more independence. I'm emotionally exhausted and looking for advice on setting healthy boundaries without feeling guilty.