Has my wife's family terrorized her?
Just for frame of reference, I think my wife is textbook ADHD, she was diagnosed when she was 10 but never took the medication (like all kids who hate pills she hid them lol)
All I am going to include is what ive witnessed and not my personal thoughts so they dont cloud anyone elses comments / ideas
When I met her she was 25, very sweet, just an all around amazing personality. But she was terrified any little thing would cause a catastrophe (like spilling a drink could cause a breakup) she was currently on the life 360 app, all of her family even the grandmother were on it but they seemed to use it to heavily monitor her at 25? She was living with her grandmother and once her dad saw it move at like 9pm and told her it was late she needed to go home. a frequent comment she would make was "i cant stand my family" well as a few months go on we all started gathering together, they seemed like this close nit but kind of weird family but nobody was yelling at each other, the parents were a little bossy etc, they all liked me though. however she was losing health insurance and i had some so it may not have been a genuine like.
Well right before we were getting married i remember once her dad said to me "are you going to make sure she finishes taking the ged classes" and i just said it wasnt my job to order my wife around. he said "yes it is" seemed extremely odd to me. I just kinda sat there and said well i think its a good idea she do them (there was no way in the world i was going to take on some kind of authority role)
Typically they all get along and she enjoys their company for a short period but is kinda ready to go, i dont even like being there but i go and even carry on with her little sister about her interest in forensic something (examining old found remains) my wife will kind of put her arms around my neck when shes standing up and im sitting down, it feels like a "lets go" hug, so i get up and start following her lead.
She is terrified of telling them anything they might not like to hear. and have been accusing me as "controlling her" right after we got married over the silliest things like getting a haircut they didnt like (i didnt even like it but she wanted it so whatever its her hair).
This time she had a choice between going on a cruise or getting a car a specific date (saving money with 3 check months for down payment) they had morphed this into something that all factors considered was going to be twice as much without asking. she did not want to postpone the car but was terrified to tell them, she wanted my help so i just sent her mother a nice message saying we cant afford it without her sacrificing something else she doesnt want too, its become kind of a sunk cost but we know we may not get our initial money we paid for on the original cruise back. oh her mother blew up on her "YOU ARE GOING OR IM GOING OFF ON YOUR HUSBAND" text, then her mother sent me a nasty message of some kind and i just said "there is no legal requirement she go", her grandmother texting me "please dont do this to our family....." all she wanted to do is cancel a runaway cost but is just so scared to dissapoint them and knows they will back her into a corner with BS when im not there to make her feel safe