I think I fell for a girl and idk what to do
My (16F) whole life I’ve never really thought about my sexuality. I didn’t think it was that important, because humans are fluid and deeply layered meaning our feelings transcend gender. I’ve found girls attractive as well as boys. I’ve only ever been in love with guys before though. Until now.
Idk what’s happening to me but there is this girl I’ve been friends with for 7 months or more. At first I didn’t really care for her as anything more than a friend. I just enjoyed our friendship the way I would with any other girl friends of mine. In December though I started feeling closer to her. Like a lot closer. I was doing horrible and I think that played a part into it. I was constantly comparing myself and I was so distant with my family (arguments with mom). I hated all of my friends and I was just constantly thinking about the past. It was a very nostalgic time of my life. I couldn’t stand anyone except her. She felt so warm and normal. I could talk to her without having to perform. I didn’t have to repress my thoughts or fight to prove myself.
I didn’t compare myself to her or feel the need to be superior. Whenever I talked to her I felt closer to freedom which is something I never truly felt. There was some tension I guess? I got really vulnerable sometimes and said some strange things to her like how good of a friend she was to me and how I’ve never met someone as amazing as her and she told me she found me really interesting which usually would just be a friendly thing to say between friends but I didn’t view it that way. Anyways life got busy and we stopped talking for a while. We recently started talking again and she said she missed me. When she said that I genuinely had a bodily reaction. My stomach felt weird and my body felt lighter like I wanted to fall asleep. Idk why. Whenever I talk to her I get really sleepy. It’s so weird to say but I feel like this means something.
She mentioned how talking to people overwhelmed her but somehow she is able to hold hours of conversation with me. I don’t want her to be this way with anybody else. I like what we have but I don’t know what we have. I don’t know if I like her but I have had physical thoughts about her which made me feel more guilty and strange. Now I’m actually overthinking my sexuality. Sometimes I try to imagine her as a guy and how she would be like. If I would have gone out with the guy version of her. But then I don’t think I’d feel the same way I do now. I don’t want to like a girl. I’m not homophobic and I’ve always been very supportive of LGBTQ+ people but I just don’t want to like a girl and I don’t know why but these feelings I have for her scare me yet I want to continue going in deeper with her. What do I do?