u/EggyBear2025

I’m reluctant to post here, but I’m genuinely confused and struggling to make sense of how my relationship ended. My friends and family are probably sick of me hearing me try to process it and I'm due to go to a psychologist soon, I’m hoping for some random outside perspective.

My fiancé (6 year relationship) broke up with me a few months ago. I didn’t want the relationship to end and wanted to fix things, but he asked me to leave our home. I’ve just moved out. The breakup didn’t feel normal or straightforward... it was chaotic, contradictory and emotionally confusing.

There was no cheating beforehand as far as I know, but he did create a dating app profile after breaking up with me and even went on a date before I moved out. This was shocking because we had just come back from a great holiday before the breakup, although we had been arguing in the months leading up to the holiday, I thought we could come back and resolve the issuing through counseling. In the months before the holdiday he gave me an extreme financial ultimatum, which was a no‑win situation that escalated everything far beyond the original issues. The financial ultimatum impacted my financial and housing stability and I cried everyday at work because of the stress he had put on me. I believed our problems were fixable with counselling, but maybe that was naïve and I was in distress from the financial ultimatum.

After the breakup, he agreed to counselling. We went to two sessions, but it became clear he was looking for a black and white answer where I was the problem and he was right.

The breakup was originally triggered by the financial ultimatum (so I thought), but over time he reframed everything as being about my “issues.” He has put me in a box and characterised me as insecure, jealous and lacking trust everything I did has been interpreted through the lens. It eventually felt like he disliked everything about me, I couldn't do or say anything without it being seen as an attack or criticism, yet he was simultaneously telling me he loved me, that I was “his one” and that he was losing the love of his life. It was incredibly confusing.

He said he couldn’t continue unless I fixed my “issues,” but he barely engaged with me at all after the break and withdrew somewhat prior. I don’t understand how issuing ultimatums, withdrawing, breaking up with me, refusing to communicate and dating before I moved out was supposed to help me “fix” anything.

He said he couldn’t continue in the “dynamic” of us living together and would reconsider counselling after I moved out. I told him absolutely not andbonce I moved out, that was the end. The process has financially devastated me and caused enormous distress, especially as I’m neurodiverse and upheaval is extremely difficult.

The hardest part is that he blames everything on my issues and seems genuinely unaware of the things he did and the impact, including the ultimatum, the withdrawal, the deflection, the dating apps, the emotional shutdown.

Throughout the relationship, every conflict escalated because he couldn’t communicate without defending, blaming, or shutting down. He called me absve because I reacted very negatively to an incident and shouted hard because everything always got turned around onto me. It felt like he created the very dynamic he wanted to escape. Almost like self‑sabotage.

I fully acknowledge my part in the relationship issues, it always takes two people, but he places 100% of the blame on me. I can’t tell whether he genuinely thought I’d move out and he could just “pick things back up later” without acknowledging the psychological damage this caused, or whether he wanted to end the relationship but created chaos on the way out. He almost made it seem as though it was my decision to abandon the relationship because I said no more if I moved out because of the impact to me.

He kept saying he didn’t want any of this and that he loved me so much. But you don’t treat someone you love like this. I’m trying to understand what happened. Am I missing something? I feel like I’ve completely lost my grip on reality.

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TL;DR

Fiancé ended our relationship in a chaotic, contradictory way. Gave me a financial ultimatum, blamed everything on my “issues,” refused to communicate, went on a date before I moved out and said he’d only reconsider counselling after I left our home. Meanwhile he insisted he loved me and didn’t want this. I’m left confused, financially impacted and unsure whether he wanted to end things or just couldn’t handle conflict or accountability. Looking for outside perspective.

I’m reluctant to post here, but I’m genuinely confused and struggling to make sense of how my relationship ended. My friends and family are probably sick of me hearing me try to process it and I'm due to go to a psychologist soon, I’m hoping for some random outside perspective.

My fiancé (6 year relationship) broke up with me a few months ago. I didn’t want the relationship to end and wanted to fix things, but he asked me to leave our home. I’ve just moved out. The breakup didn’t feel normal or straightforward... it was chaotic, contradictory and emotionally confusing.

There was no cheating beforehand as far as I know, but he did create a dating app profile after breaking up with me and even went on a date before I moved out. This was shocking because we had just come back from a great holiday before the breakup, although we had been arguing in the months leading up to the holiday, I thought we could come back and resolve the issuing through counseling. In the months before the holdiday he gave me an extreme financial ultimatum, which was a no‑win situation that escalated everything far beyond the original issues. The financial ultimatum impacted my financial and housing stability and I cried everyday at work because of the stress he had put on me. I believed our problems were fixable with counselling, but maybe that was naïve and I was in distress from the financial ultimatum.

After the breakup, he agreed to counselling. We went to two sessions, but it became clear he was looking for a black and white answer where I was the problem and he was right.

The breakup was originally triggered by the financial ultimatum (so I thought), but over time he reframed everything as being about my “issues.” He has put me in a box and characterised me as insecure, jealous and lacking trust everything I did has been interpreted through the lens. It eventually felt like he disliked everything about me, I couldn't do or say anything without it being seen as an attack or criticism, yet he was simultaneously telling me he loved me, that I was “his one” and that he was losing the love of his life. It was incredibly confusing.

He said he couldn’t continue unless I fixed my “issues,” but he barely engaged with me at all after the break and withdrew somewhat prior. I don’t understand how issuing ultimatums, withdrawing, breaking up with me, refusing to communicate and dating before I moved out was supposed to help me “fix” anything.

He said he couldn’t continue in the “dynamic” of us living together and would reconsider counselling after I moved out. I told him absolutely not andbonce I moved out, that was the end. The process has financially devastated me and caused enormous distress, especially as I’m neurodiverse and upheaval is extremely difficult.

The hardest part is that he blames everything on my issues and seems genuinely unaware of the things he did and the impact, including the ultimatum, the withdrawal, the deflection, the dating apps, the emotional shutdown.

Throughout the relationship, every conflict escalated because he couldn’t communicate without defending, blaming, or shutting down. He called me absve because I reacted very negatively to an incident and shouted hard because everything always got turned around onto me. It felt like he created the very dynamic he wanted to escape. Almost like self‑sabotage.

I fully acknowledge my part in the relationship issues, it always takes two people, but he places 100% of the blame on me. I can’t tell whether he genuinely thought I’d move out and he could just “pick things back up later” without acknowledging the psychological damage this caused, or whether he wanted to end the relationship but created chaos on the way out. He almost made it seem as though it was my decision to abandon the relationship because I said no more if I moved out because of the impact to me.

He kept saying he didn’t want any of this and that he loved me so much. But you don’t treat someone you love like this. I’m trying to understand what happened. Am I missing something? I feel like I’ve completely lost my grip on reality.

---

TL;DR

Fiancé ended our relationship in a chaotic, contradictory way. Gave me a financial ultimatum, blamed everything on my “issues,” refused to communicate, went on a date before I moved out and said he’d only reconsider counselling after I left our home. Meanwhile he insisted he loved me and didn’t want this. I’m left confused, financially impacted and unsure whether he wanted to end things or just couldn’t handle conflict or accountability. Looking for outside perspective.