u/Ekks1227

Hello,

For context, here is my current situation: a 30-year-old man, suffering from depression since childhood (dysthymia), and I feel like I've truly reached the end of the road.

I've tried dozens of treatments, all with no effect whatsoever. I've seen 10+ mental health specialists, I've been hospitalized. Several psychologists and psychiatrists eventually gave up, telling me: "I have no idea how to help you."

And the worst part of it all is that I don't have a "real" problem. I simply feel that life is empty of meaning.

I earn a good living, I own my home, I can go on holiday several times a year, I have long-standing friends with whom I stay in frequent contact, and I have several hobbies: video games, sport, and my instrument. My depression is always there, but nothing actually stops me from doing anything ,except the will to live.

If anything, the only thing I'm missing is a partner. Unluckily for me, I'm unattractive. I've never had a girlfriendn, not even a kiss, or simply holding someone's hand.

Honestly, I’d love to experience what love truly feels like, to be loved unconditionally. I dream of having someone to share my life with, someone I can cuddle with and peacefully fall asleep beside.

I want to take care of her, give her gentle kisses, affectionate touches, and relaxing massages. I dream of building a family together, coming home late from work exhausted but still feeling happy the moment I see her. I’d give her a hug, tell her I love her, and then go spend time playing with our children.

It’s a simple dream, but it’s the one that means the most to me.

For a long time, I believed that was what I was missing to finally want to live. But as time goes on, I feel more and more like I've ticked all the other boxes ,the ones that seem to be enough for most people. And I don't believe a single box can change this bleak life.

I'd like to try an NDE (near-death experience), to see whether, at death's door, I might find a glimmer of hope. If not, I would put an end to this existence, which I find pitiful.

Good evening,

For context, here is my current situation: a 30-year-old man, suffering from depression since childhood (dysthymia), and I feel like I've truly reached the end of the road.

I've tried dozens of treatments, all with no effect whatsoever. I've seen 10+ mental health specialists, I've been hospitalized. Several psychologists and psychiatrists eventually gave up, telling me: "I have no idea how to help you."

And the worst part of it all is that I don't have a "real" problem. I simply feel that life is empty of meaning.

I earn a good living, I own my home, I can go on holiday several times a year, I have long-standing friends with whom I stay in frequent contact, and I have several hobbies: video games, sport, and my instrument. My depression is always there, but nothing actually stops me from doing anything ,except the will to live.

If anything, the only thing I'm missing is a partner. Unluckily for me, I'm unattractive. I've never had a girlfriendn, not even a kiss, or simply holding someone's hand. For a long time, I believed that was what I was missing to finally want to live. But as time goes on, I feel more and more like I've ticked all the other boxes ,the ones that seem to be enough for most people. And I don't believe a single box can change this bleak life.

I'd like to try an NDE (near-death experience), to see whether, at death's door, I might find a glimmer of hope. If not, I would put an end to this existence, which I find pitiful.