u/Electrical-Ad-1480

the hardest thing i'm finding with no contact is wondering if we'll ever speak again. he broke up with me after 6 years together and we're currently in our second phase of no contact (he broke no contact before we had to attend the same event with our friends) we agreed to go no contact again after the event as it was too much too soon, it's now day 35 of this second phase of no contact and i'm really struggling to not just reach out...he was the last person to message and all i did was give him a heart react to his message that ended with 'i hope we can meet again under better circumstances' and of course all i'm thinking about is when better circumstances is going to be...and whether i should be the one to open that door or if it should be him as he was the one who left the door open to us being friends in the future

my ex ended things in february, claiming that he didn't love me anymore and that his love for me was more like a close friend

some background...he only actually ended things because i had set alarms on his phone and saw he had the perplexity app open on a chat that was alarming to me, so i went and checked and he had several chats about how to break up with your girlfriend of 6 years if you're not feeling it anymore...(didn't read them in detail, because it wasn't my place)

in january we celebrated our 6 year anniversary, during january he was also going through a lot of work stress and he was blaming him being off on that, we spent a lot of our time talking about our plans for the year and our future in general which is so frustrating

the break up happened on the 26th feb, but he had a trip planned with friends the week after so i didn't end up collecting my things from him until a week later and that was then we were talking about things and he was just very firm about it being over, breaking up being the only option and that he doesn't want me out of his life and wants to be 'friends' with me in the future and says that nothing romantic could ever happen between us ever again

since then we had a month of no contact, until we had to attend the same event and he broke the no contact the day before to make sure we were going to be okay going to the same thing, we ended up not talking (in person) and i spent a lot of my time at the event crying lol. since the event we re-entered no contact, he suggested we block each other so we weren't seeing each others things but i felt that was too much so i suggested muting each other which he agreed to do...HOWEVER i muted him and have gone cold turkey on viewing his stories, but he is watching everything i post...minutes...after...i post, which is just frustrating me as he was the one suggesting 'blocking' it's making me think he just wants ME to not see what he's been posting? another recent move of his was deleting the only tiktoks he has EVER posted cause they were of us, yet he hasn't deleted anything off his instagram that's full of me - it's frying my head

at the end of the day i'm not really sure what to do, because i still want him in my life...