u/ElectricalCloud9833

March 7 is when I found out that my husband was a PA and that he’s been watching porn throughout our entire 10 year relationship even though he knew I wasn’t okay with it. He sees his individual therapist weekly and he is an addiction specialist but not a CSAT. We began seeing a CSAT couples therapist but have only had 2 sessions so far, so nothing to really note on that one. To add to the addiction, about a month ago, my husband and his sister got into a pretty heated argument (all over text), it was more she was trying to get a big rise out of him and he didn’t give her one but at the end they both basically told each other they would no longer be in their life. His sisters last message to him was that he had traumatized her as a child and that he raped and molested her. He had a pretty big breakdown over this. She blocked him after sending it and when I reached out to get clarification I guess she wouldn’t respond. He said that she they were kids, he manipulated her a few times into showing him her privates. He said he never masturbated to it and it wasn’t a sexual thing but there was never any touching.

Sex has been completely taken off the table, it has been for a while but the CSAT reinforced that. Earlier tonight, he texted me and said he has been looking at sex toys. He said hes been horny lately but hasn’t watched porn again and that he’s masturbated a few times but not with porn, to thoughts and memories. I asked if he thought masturbation was the best idea and he seemed to get pretty defensive at that remark. He said masturbation isn’t something he’s going to give up. I asked him how exactly he could get horny in the midst of everything going on and our current situation and he didn’t answer. It’s been over a year since we’ve had sex and that’s on me. We have a 2 year old, I’m just always exhausted and I tried pegging for him and it completely turned me off and I haven’t been able to get past it yet. I do see a therapist weekly, I just haven’t worked through it yet. Is it unfair for me to be upset about masturbating? Am I being unreasonable for finding it odd that he’s even getting horny with everything going on?

I’m a SAHM and have been since June of 2023. My husband works 1.5 hours away from home so he’s gone from 4a-4p. He’s really only responsible for yard work and garbage duty but even that doesn’t happen if I don’t say something about it. Our son is 2. 27 months to be exact. In that time, he’s never given him a bath and has changed probably 15 diapers. No, I’m not exaggerating. He’s only had him alone 3 or 4 times and the longest was 3 hours roughly. When he’s home, he’s usually in the bedroom. Lately, he comes out and eats dinner with us and hangs out a little before going to bed. Our son is in speech therapy twice a week and my husband hasn’t asked a single time about how his sessions are going or anything and he’s been going since January. If I ask him to watch our son so I can do something, I would say 15% of the time he does it. So there’s that frustration.

Our son has a receptive and expressive language delay. Nothing underlying, no autism or anything, he’s just delayed. He does all sorts of “talking” just not actual words. Since being in therapy, he says yay, no, uh oh, and tries to say I did it. He makes some animal noises, car noises, imitates a lot, and interacts with Ms. Rachel. He’s just now able to follow simple commands like go get your cup. I’m frustrated because he just doesn’t listen. If I tell him no he continues doing it. He’ll knock everything off our bathroom counter and sometimes just tables in general. SOMETIMES he will help me pick the stuff back up and I’ll tell him what a good job he’s doing picking up. He throws things (really only at me), sometimes he bites me, again, only me. Earlier, I swept the kitchen and when I had my back turned he went and scattered everything with his hands so I had to sweep it back up. How do I get him to listen and stop the bad behavior without spanking? I’m also torn because I don’t know how much he comprehends with having the receptive delay. Our daughters are 16 and 14 and they were never as wild as our son. I just don’t know how to get him to listen when I say no or how to correct the behavior. I’m not okay with spanking. Please help me out here. How can I get him to listen better and stop the hitting, throwing, knocking things off, biting, etc.

TLDR: Husband is zero help, 2 year old son has a mixed receptive/expressive language delay and I don’t know how to get him to listen or how to correct the bad behaviors.