I am so screwed up mentally and nobody knows how bad it is
don’t mind my way of typing, english is not my first language and i honestly dont care about anything anymore.
i dont remember anything from my childhood besides getting raped and being poor as fuck and it keeps haunting me.
the woman that shouldve protected me didn’t notice me getting ripped to shreds by wolfs.
every connection i have is haunted by my past.
i cant stand intimacy of any sort.
every form of love feels like danger.
every physical touch feels like an attack.
and no amount of money will give me enough security to persue anything.
being in my collage classroom with no recollection of how i survived highschool.
all i remember are the days i would relapse and all i do is fantasize about them when i should be working on my chemistry lab assigntment.
i havent slept properly in days.
not because i cant but because my brain is punishing me in my sleep.
the things i see in my nightmares make me go crazy.
how do i relive my worst moments at night but forget everything about them when i try to heal in the morning.
its been a year since i last saw blood pouring out of me but im aching for more ever since.