u/EllivyMoon

TW: SA, attempted su!cide

I (F19) am so confused. It feels like I’m wrong about everything. My mom (F60) keeps telling me, “He loves you,” “He’s done a lot for you,” “You’re overreacting,” and “You provoked him.” The person we’re referring to is my brother, “Bryan.” (M49)

I used to love him a lot. I’d run to him and ask him to play, but things changed. I realized what was going on wasn’t normal. When I was younger, he’d come into my room and say a quick goodnight, but that quick goodnight became not so quick.

When I was 9, he came into my room drunk and asked me to call him daddy. I pretended like I didn’t understand, and part of me didn’t. I still don’t. Why would he ask that? I told him, “Why would I call you that? Dad is our dad. You’re Bryan.” He didn’t say anything. He just laid on top of me and didn’t get off. I couldn’t move at all.

It didn’t bother me at first; only the daddy part did. But the not moving? I didn’t care. It felt like a weird hug. He left an hour or so later. After that, he did it every night for hours. He’d get on top of me, touch my sides, tickle me, and put a hand on my chest. I thought, “Oh, it’s an accident.” For years, I thought him getting on me, touching me, and not leaving even when I screamed was normal.

It went on for years. Eventually, it started to affect me. I’d hide in my parents’ room. I’d hit him. I’d cry for him to get off. But I was weak. Nothing I said would make him stop. He’d just hold me down and grab at me. Nothing else ever happened. He just got on top of me.

When I started high school, I felt gross. I felt disgusting, so I tried to k!ll myself. He stopped then. The mental institution I was sent to told him to. It wasn’t until I made high school friends that I realized, “Oh, this really isn’t normal.” They helped me realize that him getting on me, touching me, and tickling me when I said no wasn’t okay.

I can’t even feel tickles anymore. I’m just used to it. He did it so much, everywhere, that I don’t feel it anymore.

I told my mom sophomore year, and she said it was a misunderstanding. To this day, she still says that. That’s when I found something out: my brother did this to my other sister (F37) too, but it was worse. He actually went farther with her. He gave her an “I’m sorry” card, and that was it.

My brother and my sister get along now after 20 years of hating each other. I feel like I’m the only one in this family who hates him. I can’t tell him I love him back, because I don’t. I remember how much I screamed. I remember how he’d put a hand over my mouth to shut me up. I remember wondering if he was drunk every time because it feels like he doesn’t remember. He’s never addressed it.

He doesn’t do it anymore and hasn’t since high school, but I feel like I’m going insane. Did I imagine some of it? No, I couldn’t have. Was it as bad as I thought? That’s what my mom says. She says it wasn’t bad. My dad says he’d cover for anyone in his immediate family. Pedophile? He’d be the alibi. When my dad told me that, I felt sick.

I just feel so sick and insane. My mom said it again today: “He loves you.” I don’t want him to love me. I hate him.

I (F19) genuinely hate my dad (M60) right now. I think things are just piling up. Anyway, my dad got home at 4:00 PM, so I thought I’d go out and greet him, say “hi” and “I love you.” The second he sees me, he yells, “NO!” just yelling in my face.

I backed off and started to cry because I didn’t expect that. I knew walking away would make him angrier, so I stayed put while he glared at me. I didn’t know what was going on, but as “Emily” (F20) passed by, she said, “Oh, he’s mad.” A freaking warning text would’ve been nice.

Anyway, he crosses his arms and says, “What is with this garage?” I stay silent. It’s only been a couple of days since I put everything in there. (Context: I moved out of my dorm.) He continues, “Have you done anything today?” I tell him the truth: I called the school, finished the withdrawal, and have been emailing professors.

At this point, I can tell he’s taking his anger out on me. He says, “That’s not enough. The garage is a mess. This needs to be gone by Tuesday next week.”

Honestly, I’m trying not to cry still and just go with it. “Okay, I’ll do it now. I’ll start with laundry first.”

He gets upset again and shakes his head at me. “That’s not enough.”

I just leave because I’m tired of it. I sent a warning text to my mom (F60) to let her know he was angry. She’s not going to come home for a bit now because she doesn’t want to deal with it.

Anyway, I go to my room with some of the dirty clothes from the garage and start doing laundry. He comes upstairs a couple of minutes later and says again, “That’s not enough.”

I kind of ignore him and finish the laundry. He continues, of course, and says, “I want the basement done too.”

I get fucking confused because… what is he talking about?

He must’ve seen my confusion. Dad rolls his eyes and says that I have things in the basement. I say, “Uh, no, I don’t.” He says I have childhood things in bins downstairs, and he wants them all organized.

That’s been there for years. He’s never mentioned it. I’m not a mind reader. Is this what he’s upset about? It’s insane. He’s 60. He’s an adult. Why can’t he communicate? He’s a freaking communication major, for fuck’s sake.

It’s just so annoying. I hate that he likes to ruin other people’s day because his workday was shit. I don’t think I did anything wrong.

This happens all the time, but I’m always told “get over it,” “it’s not that big of a deal,” “he’s done a lot for you,” and “he loves you!”

I don’t care anymore. I’m so tired of it all.

Is my dad TAH or NTA?

Edit: I was NOT kicked out of college! I’m transferring to a new one. My tuition was paid for in full. I have a full-ride scholarship. My parents and I owe nothing.

I (F19) got into a fight with my mom (F60) about clothes. I’m moving out of my dorm for the summer and have a lot of clothes. My mom recently lost a lot of weight, and I’m very proud of her. She deserves to feel happy in her own skin, whether she’s skinny or curvy. I think she’s fine the way she is.

Anyway, here’s where I might be the asshole. I told my mom that she could sort through my clothes with me and choose from the things I didn’t want. I lost my temper several times and told her to stop choosing items she knew I wanted.

We were going through my clothes and, oh my gosh, my mom was being so passive-aggressive. She would hold up something I liked and say, “This wouldn’t fit you. Can I have it?” or “You’re too big for this. This will fit me.” I think she’s proud of being skinnier than me. She also said things like, “Your thighs and butt are too big for this. It’ll look great on me,” or “Are you sure you want this?” Then she would put it in her pile, even if I had already said I wanted it.

I would correct her, and she would act like she didn’t understand the pile system. I’m overweight, yes, but I don’t think I’m fat. She makes it seem like I’m 300 or 400 pounds. I’m 205 pounds. I’m very aware of my weight, and I know I need to make a change, but it’s not my priority right now.

Her comments and her focus on my weight, or on hers, annoy me. Honestly, it’s sad. I comforted her when I was younger when she called herself fat, but now she’s calling other people fat? Make it make sense. My mom says I’m being dramatic, but I don’t think I am.

AITAH for losing my temper?

Edit: The purpose of this post is to determine whether I’m YTA or NTA, not to discuss or judge my weight. Please refrain from commenting on that aspect.