u/ElzyChelzy

For the higher grades of autism, I feel like it is obvious and most often diagnosed in childhood. But what about us with aspergers? Myself and those I personally know with aspergers, have been diagnosed in our teens or later. Back when I was a child, before puberty hit, I was outgoing and social and interactive. Never told I was different, suspected for autism or anything. I was the prankster and joker in the class. I did have some stims and intense special interests, restlessness while intense focus on my hyperfixations, but aside from that, I was just a “regular” kid. Then puberty hit, I became extremely introverted, shy, anxious, socially awkward and I also started getting every textbook aspergers sign, which was where I was diagnosed as well. It’s like my brain couldn’t keep up and just withdrew. I also lost any friend I had; though I had many as a child, I never really did have close ones, and struggled to make any new ones. My mother said it was like a complete turn. Now as a 37 year old, I’ve long mastered masking subconsciously, but inside I still feel more “autistic” than I ever remember being as a child, also when looking back on videos, I don’t see any childhood signs really. Or very few.

It annoys me a bit when some people say you *have* to struggle with eye contact in order to be autistic (aspergers). For me it was never an issue. Looking back at childhood videos, I kept eye contact there too. I observed a lot. As a baby as well. Everyone are different, and pretty sure no one will fit every single textbook diagnostic trait points. It’s usually bigger picture and pattern, isn’t it. I myself was diagnosed at 14 first time, them confirmed again at 35 when I questioned it, due to often being told I don’t “come off” as autistic (aspergers), despite my inner world.

Usually I love to spend time with my hyperfixations, but at times they become so intense that I feel like I can’t think or focus on anything else but that. And constantly have to read, do and watch everything there is about it, to the point I know I don’t miss anything. Even if I do other things or people talk to me, my mind is still at the hyperfixation and everything I do relate to that (in my head). I can function perfectly fine otherwise, but if I have nothing on my to-do list, at times the hyperfixation becomes so intense that it starts stressing me out. I even sometimes forget to eat or do anything else, because my focus is constantly there. If others start talking about the hyperfixation, I suddenly become anxious, because I feel a need to present it in the best way and show everything there is about it, which is overwhelming. So I rarely share them with anyone. I have to give myself a cold turkey, where I avoid the hyperfixation for some days or weeks (even if it makes me sad), to try and drag myself out of it.

I’m a 38 years old female, and have a son who will be two years old (single mother). He was a very easy baby, and is a lovely little boy now. But I’ve started to notice some signs in him that has made me wonder if he may be on the spectrum (aspergers, specifically) too. For his age he is very polite, gentle, caring and a little clingy, but when he gets excited, he does a lot of stimming (mainly rocking and hand flipping and jump/kicking and animal sounds), which I assumed was normal in toddlers, but someone asked me if he was autistic due to it, so I don’t know now? He is sensitive to light and strong smells, he often picks his food apart and sort it on the plate, he wants to hug everyone, and does without asking, which I’ve tried to teach him is kind *but* you need to ask people first. He also don’t like to eat anything that is red. He already speaks fairly many words. He is very into pretty dresses, knowing every fabric there is from a book he found in my mothers room, that he wants me and her to read for him (how a 2 year old can remember fabrics from a dress making book, I got no clue, but then again, I knew near every dinosaur species there was at his age). He is obsessed about glitter, and can spend hours just focused on glittery stuff. He also can tell a song from the very first beat. As soon as the first beat or two lands, he starts humming the tune while hand flapping, and it’s always the right one, despite him not knowing the words. Even songs he has only heard once or twice. He sleeps much better when the washer is all, always did. The repetitive sound soothes him. He is also deeply sensitive, if someone else cries, he cries, and he is rather shy aside from the hugs, but still likes to play with other kids now and then. The other boys don’t really like what he likes though, or maybe it’s the other way around. But he is better with girls, which is funny as I was always better with boys. He also deeply loves animals, and knows just about every animal sound, even different native bird calls, but so am I, animal obsessed and a wildlife rehabber + animal foster carer. We often sit and read and watch stuff about animals for hours, and he helps care for them and spot them in nature, so that may just be my influence, haha.

I’m unsure if I should just let time speak, and not read more into it, or if I should speak with someone about my suspicion? I’m unsure what is best for him. For me, personally, having the diagnosis never really did a lot of good to me, aside from making me outcast, having my anxiety ignored and get me denied certain therapies and jobs. To the point where I started just never telling anyone, and considered getting it removed from my medicl journal if possible. I don’t want him to be put in a box or labeled as I was, or feel like something is “wrong” with him for being different, but times have changed and society is more educated now, so I don’t know if an early diagnosis (if he did turn out to have aspergers) would help him navigate it down the line, and avoid some of the struggles I had in my teens and young adulthood. I don’t think being autistic is a shameful and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being autistic, at all, after all it’s just our brains navigating things a little different than the so called “norm/majority”, but at the same time I also don’t really see a point in knowing if you are or not, unless it’s to help understand *yourself* better, or for the benefit of something you’re struggling with.. If you’re not struggling, does it really matter? What is your perspective on this? Thank you.

After watching the new “Michael” (Jackson) movie, I ended up going into a bit of a MJ obsession, spending nights watching old interviews, performances, home videos, documentaries, reading about him, etc. I soon realised there was something about him I instantly “understood” and connected with, and found strangely familiar, both in myself, but also in neurodivergent people I knew from my specialclass at school. Even his little movements and attitude reminded me so so much of my late best friend (who also had aspergers along with adhd) from school times, who was also incredibly musical gifted.

So I went into an MJ group and asked whether anyone else had ever wondered if he might have been on the spectrum (particularily aspergers)? I obviously wasn’t CLAIMING to diagnose him, since I can’t, but it was just an observation and a question. But while I definitely wasn’t alone in that thought, some (30% of commenters or so) people reacted as though I had insulted him. I got replies like, “Just stop. He was just abused not autistic or anything else wrong with his brain”, “Ew, why are you judging him?”, “Omg not this again, give hime a break guys”, and even “If he was autistic, he wouldn’t have achieved what he did”. I’ve noticed this tendency before, if someone dare question if someone is/was on the spectrum.

What bothered me was not them disagreeing, but the assumption that suggesting someone might be autistic (or come off as so) must be an accusation or a negative judgement? Do people react like this because they genuinely know nothing about autism (still put us in a box)? Or do they just take it as a slur/degrading thing, because they subconsciously see neurodivergent people as lesser? Anyone else come across this attitude?

I know it’s silly to some, as it doesn’t really matter, since only we can see names on our own characters; but I really wish you could change your character’s names, without having to delete them and start over. The more I get to “know” a character, the better names pop up in my head. I’m hopeless choosing names from the go. Seems like such a sinple add on, along with character sorting in menu (which is higher on my list than name change), and I know some of us been hoping for Bears. 😄 Edit: years, not bears. 🐻