u/EmbarrassedBrief5298

The doctors all say I’m cancer free since surgery but not a day goes by that I don’t feel like shit about my pathology report. Not a day goes by that I don’t look at my kids and wonder how much of their life I’ll be here for. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder if I’ll ever finish treatment. I look for reassurance in different places, I try to get more details about treatment plans, my pathology, and so on and every little bit of it makes me feel worse. I have a signatera pending and I’m almost regretting even asking for it. I’m on xeloda now wondering if it’s good enough since I don’t feel the traditional shittiness of chemo. I’m having the hardest time finding the light at the end of whatever the hell this tunnel is. I’m having the hardest time feeling like a future is worth putting an effort into building. I just want some good news somewhere and I have no idea where to look to get it. I don’t want cancer in my life anymore. I want to take those last pills and be done.

Struggling with the lack of surveillance post active treatment. I guess I’m not technically done yet, but the whole we will order a scan if you have symptoms thing is just hard for me to wrap my head around after all of this, especially considering I felt completely fine and healthy when I was diagnosed. I asked for a signatera test, but as of now the company is having a hard time tracking down enough tissue to preform the test. Fingers crossed they can get what they need, but how in the world do I talk myself off the ledge of everything being a met post active treatment? I’m down one rabbit hole or another with very twinge in my body. This whole transition to survivorship is rough.

Please tell me implants are better. I miss sleeping comfortably. I feel like the edges are digging into my ribcage. I’m not loving the saline look. Will I be more comfortable post exchange surgery?

My son just turned 4 and he still will not poop on the potty. He’s been fine with pee for months now, but he will hold #2 all day long until we put his night time pull up on before bed then he will go. How do I get him to go on the potty? I keep talking to him about it and all I get is “I don’t want to”. He won’t have accidents or go in his underwear, he just holds it until he gets that pull up on to sleep. If I take away the night time pull up I’ll be changing sheets multiple times a night and I’d rather not at this point but would love any tips or tricks! He’s a big boy and I’m ready to get us out of this habit.

I’m tired of people constantly looking at me with worry or mentioning how much I’ve been through. This week I found out three different friends are now pregnant while I got myself a new pill organizer. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I’m happy for them but every “normal” milestone others have had throughout this just hurts. I want to be “normal” too.

Did I cry being back in the chemo chair again after over three months off? Absolutely. But! This is the last stretch of treatment. On January 1, 2027 I take the last pills and this is finished 🙏🏽

I’m starting this week. Tell me all the things about your experience please

What’s your favorite distraction or way to get cancer off your mind? I feel like I spend all day every day thinking about cancer. Yes I’m in therapy and on medication. How do you forget even for a little bit?

From a therapist, loved one, doctor, something you’ve come up with yourself, anything and everything.

Especially if you had a dmx. The idea of just being sent off into the world to let them know if something hurts is wild to me.

I had a dmx in May with tissue expanders placed and I miss having real boobs. I miss comfortably sleeping on my stomach. I miss how they looked in a swimsuit. I miss not having all of these scars. Grateful the cancer has been taken out and all but I miss my boobs.

I’m being randomized for ascent 05 this week after my final screening appointment Wednesday and I’m unwell 😭 I have 0 desire to be back on chemo and just knowing that I will be for the rest of the year sucks. I truly wish they told you more in advance what treatment arm you’ll be on. Anyway, joining all of you on clinical trials here soon.

I’m being randomized for ascent by the end of the week (or maybe early next since everything takes forever) and ugh. On one hand I’m ready to get this going so we can get this over with and on the other hand I’m so sad to give up feeling good again 😭 hoping xeloda or trodelvy don’t cause me as many issues as keynote did. I’ve actually enjoyed this “break” from chemo while recovering from surgery and doing rads. Just not eager to get back on the horse and go through the holidays on chemo and potentially lose my hair again. Thanks for coming to my rant of the day.

I don’t really have anyone to celebrate with so sharing here. Thank you everyone of breast cancer Reddit for making me feel less alone ♥️

Trust me, I hate that I’m asking this. He acts like nothing ever happened. I can barely even look at him. Fun all around 🫠 oh. I have little kids too.

So far I’m pink but now I have a cluster of like brown freckles in the area. Did anyone have similar? Nothing hurts or is itchy. How was rads for you?

Trying to not air out my dirty laundry on Reddit but shits rough. My house is miserable. None of my family talks to me even though they know I have cancer. I like my job but I’m out in leave. I wanted to finish chemo and surgery and get my pcr and say fu to so many people and things and sail off into the (metaphorical) sunset. Guess who didn’t get pcr. Guess who has months of more chemo ahead. Guess who feels completely stuck and unable to make any changes in life anymore. I’m literally only doing this for my kids.

Surgery removed the cancer. Then I just go live? I’m told scans are ordered based on symptoms and Signatera causes unnecessary anxiety. I’ll probably push back on this more down the road but just what do you do to cope with never getting a congrats this part of your life is now over and you’re good to move on? I feel good, but I also felt good when I was diagnosed. I just am so whatever the opposite is of at peace with my body and this is on my mind all day every day basically. Yes I’m in therapy and on medication but I’m genuinely spooked that this ever existed inside of me.

Why did or did you not choose to participate in this trial?

I was diagnosed freshly postpartum last fall and now I’m planning my daughter’s first birthday and I’m ✨ emotional ✨. I think I spent the past year in fight or flight mode just checking the boxes of my treatment plan. Scan ✅ infusion ✅ exam ✅ surgery ✅. I worked through my entire treatment and finally took disability leave for surgery and rads. Now I’m planning to send her to daycare with her big brother and go back to work. I still have adjuvant chemo ahead. I’m navigating the fear that comes with survivorship. I’m traumatized. I’m trying to get the right dose of anxiety meds. I’m getting used to my foobs. I’m sad about seeing my port so visable in summer clothes and swimsuits. I’m really truly pissed about not getting pcr when I had my hopes up for it and so many positive signs throughout treatment. I’m nervous for this next phase then having to just hope it works. Im sad I might lose my hair again when I’m finally feeling comfortable with the pixie cut I’ve grown out. I have such limited support through this and have had to do most of this on my own. I’m just sitting here like what the actual f was this year and trying to accept everything ahead.