u/EmbarrassedDeal466

My ex made me feel like a bad person because I didn’t want to attend protests. Mostly because I don’t wanna get caught up in a violent situations. I’d just rather not.
We both had some different views on stuff. They were very far left and I’m more in the middle. When they found out about some of my views, they just wouldn’t stop talking about politics.
They were just a tab too much and pushy and tbh cringy with all the political stuff for me.
But making someone feel guilty because they don’t want to attend protests feels no good.

I want to join the air force. But apparently I can’t because I am a transgender man. I am kinda devastated by this.
Is there really no way around this?

Kinda bummed I can’t join anymore. Even if I did join earlier, I would have eventually been kicked out. Hopping it’ll change.
I would join right now if I could. I want to have self discipline so badly. I think I’d do so well in there.

I for real need the T to make me chubby. I’ve been skinny my whole life and I hate it. My goal is to be 120lbs, currently 113.
I had a horrible mental episode a good handful of months ago and got down to 94 lbs. that was gross. Gained 20 lbs though. Thank god.

The most I’ve ever weighed was 115 lbs. I want to start working out and eating like a pig because I’m just so sick of this shit. I wanna be big and have mass like a man.

I want to be better for myself. I have no routine for myself right now. I forget to brush my teeth, stay up way too late, end up doom scrolling and just wasting time on nothing.

I want to have a morning and nighty routine. I want to start exercising as well. I feel like it’s really hard for me to actually start doing these things. It seems like I just aimlessly do random, un productive things throughout the day.

I don’t know if I have un diagnosed adhd or something, but something needs to change.

I don’t know if this is relevant, but just thought I’d included this. My sleep schedule is horrible. I have a hard time actually getting to sleep. I’m not a person who can just lay down and be out in 5 minutes. I need to feel physically exhausted to do that, and that’s the only time I actually feel good about going to bed. I don’t know if that makes sense.

I just want to feel good about myself, I want to be a better man for myself.

Does anyone have advice or little by little tricks that helped them achieve bigger goals?

I got into a fight with a girl 10 years ago when I was about 15.

She was an ex girlfriend and a “friend in the group as well. But she was severely psychotic. Obsessed we me as well. Tried to convince everyone she had schizophrenia and all these mental disorders. Would make me feel like shit, do “pranks” that made me scared for her life. Very verbally abusive towards me. and also basically cheated on me. All around just a crazy person.

Well one day we got into a fight, it was encourage by my friends back then cause we were younger and stupid. But yeah, I fought her and then she left.

Anyways, it’s 10 years later now and I talked to her again after a couple of years. She was constantly trying to make me feel bad. Calling me a woman beater and all that shit. Like I’m sorry we were 14-15 years old and doing stupid drama shit.
I really don’t think I should feel bad at this point, one because we were so young and two, it was so fucking long ago and she was/is crazy.

It’s just shittier now because I’m trans and that’s kinda gives her the position to say well “you’re a man and beat a woman”.

Idk, I’m just annoyed because of it. I know I really shouldn’t care what she thinks or says at this point in my life. We are grown adults now and need to leave that stupid drama teen shit in the past. I already apologized to her too.