u/EmbarrassedPrompt348

i’m 18 and in the beginning of december of 2025 i found out i was pregnant. i had just turned 18. my boyfriend at the time & i had been on and off for about 3 years and it was not a good relationship but that is irrelevant to this. we broke up after the abortion because i went crazy after it honestly. it’s now july and i’m still stuck in this mess. i have a new boyfriend who i love so so much and i am incredibly happy with him and very very grateful for that relationship. that’s a positive right now.

basically, i have always wanted to be a mom and always thought id never have an abortion no matter the circumstances. it just wasn’t something i wanted for myself, and since i was a little girl i’ve felt like my life purpose is to be a mom.

so, ever since my abortion in december, i have completely lost myself. i dropped out of school and i work a shitty part time retail job where i barley get any hours. all i do other than working is laying in bed smoking weed or hanging out with my boyfriend. i have no motivation to do anything to get my life together. i have no motivation to continue school even though i know how important it is. i know i need to look for a new job where i can get more hours but again, no motivation to do so. on top of that, i have become pretty dependent on alcohol. i drink often. it feels like the only time i can let myself feel the pain.

at first, the drinking wasn’t such a concern but it’s started to escalate. i’ve lost friends over it, i’ve been in trouble with the law, and my parents are worried about me. after a night of drinking where something bad happens, i wake up with the worst anxiety and shame and i say im done drinking and that i want to stop and then i do for a couple days but as soon as i can get my hands on it again, im right back at it.

i feel so stuck, i feel like i have no control over my life and i don’t know what to do. i know i need to get a therapist and it is an option for me, but again: motivation. i have no desire whatsoever to talk to a therapist. i just want this feeling and these memories to GO AWAY. i want to be me again. i feel like a shell of myself.

i talk about it to my support people but it just doesn’t help and it’s not getting better. it’s getting worse. i’m scared i’m gonna lose myself past the point of return.

I know we’re all curious about if we’re gonna get ‘out of nowhere’ or not, but I think there’s a good chance it is on the album just under a different name. It’s very possible that it will be called out of nowhere and will be on the deluxe. I do think that’s a possibility. But I kind of just realized that we basically named out of nowhere ourselves when she started performing it live so there’s a very good chance it is on the album with a different name. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be on it or at least the deluxe album because she added it to the set list of tsou deluxe tour, and whenever it was performed, the lighting of the stage was red and blue, which is clearly the theme of this new album. Thoughts?

i’m planning on trying to get tickets when tickets go public on Friday at 9 AM. My mom and I are both gonna try for tickets. One of us is gonna try for Toronto and the other is either gonna try for Montreal or Chicago. Which one do you think we would have more luck with? Montreal or Chicago?