It absolutely sucks unpacking childhood trauma knowing there was nothing you could do about what was being done to you and how it affected you.
I (24M) Discovered what Adverse Childhood Experiences were at the age of 22. I have been on a mission to learn about what happened to me and what it did to me ever since. Having been unpacking it slowly over the years while I was suffering from homelessness since the age of 20 and addiction since the age of 13, realizing my emotional overreactions from stress, fear and anxiety were caused by chronic stress and my amygdala expanding in size in my developmental stages when living in my abusive home, my trust issues and anxious attachment being due to my parents abandonment and emotional negligence and my sex addiction-also known as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder in the DSM- was caused by emotional, sexual and physical abuse from my parents all since I was extremely young, has caused me so much distress and also given me glimmers of hope.
Distress because I know why I was the person that I was throughout my life and I know there was nothing that I could do about it. But to know what it is that caused it I can take the necessary steps to process and heal. But I often wonder if it’s worth trying anymore after everything I have experienced in homelessness and all the foolish choices I made while traumatized. I honestly feel like every day will be my last day and fear I will be harmed. Maybe that’s just my brain constantly expecting the absolute worst outcome and constant scanning of potential threats. I don’t honestly know.