u/Emili-cious

TW: suicide, self-harm (will add more if needed)

Before I write anything, I just want it to be known, that I am on a newer account, in hopes that no-one I ever knew in my life finds about what I'm about to write. I may delete this soon if I have to

But truth be told, partially thanks to my AuDHD, HRT, burnout and loneliness, I am just feeling the most hopeless I've ever been so far.

Just me realizing how little people I can view as friends I've had in my life, let alone who I could rely on without them eventually ditching me for becoming too much, is making me feel worse and worse. As more time passes, the less friends I have, since it either dies out in a week or they ditch you for talking too much about your feelings

Another thing being how trying to fit into a typical school/uni/work environment is living hell and a rat race that just makes me bleed myself dry. So much pressure, constant expectations and people treating you like a tool instead of a human is even more heartbreaking. Not even mentioning the job market being god-awful.

I can barely see a future ahead of me, since the two most probable outcomes are either six feet under or homeless and drugged out of my mind. Everything has become simply too much, and all the good things get lost as soon as they end, bringing the awful fucking reality back in. And no amount of cuts on your arm, tears rolling down your face or agonizing screams relieve the pain, it never really leaves. Especially considering what happens both in my personal life and around the world.

And truth be told, I have barely any accomplishments under my name, since for the past couple of years I was too focused on keeping my head above water, I could barely manage to move in any direction.

I have not made any attempts, not planned any out, since it'd be more likely I'd write just one letter and do it right away. And the odds are ever so increasinf, even if death is horrifying beyond my comprehension.

No need to read this or anything, not expecting my own friends to honestly care, let alone internet strangers