u/EmiliaOrSerena

Left cat is 2 years old, we got him 5 months ago. Right one is 1 year 3 months, she's been here for 2,5 weeks. Both sterilized. We've been trying to let them interact a bit over the last couple days. In the beginning he was always chasing her into a hiding spot, where she would keep hissing and growling at him. He always seemed more playful than anything (he basically always wants to play), but didn't seem to understand her wanting space. His tail was up almost always even when she was around. With the barrier up they were always curious about each other.

Now her hissing and growling seems to have stopped for the most part, she also initiated chasing him 2-3 times. But still, most of the time he chases her under somewhere, and then tries to pounce on her again and again, while she swats at him. Though he is slowly learning to respect her boundaries. Her ears are usually forward, and when we separate them she immediately comes out of her spot again. But in general she seems to like just laying down somewhere and then swats at him when he comes close. I've read often enough that we would hear if it was a real fight, but I'm worried this is not play, but territorial aggression or something. He seems to have learned that she can defend herself and respects her way more now, but I worry that now she is being a bit of a bully?

Overall, when they first see each other they usually sniff each others noses and both tails are up, but unless we separate early I'm always worried their interaction is more aggressive/territorial than anything. We're torn, some people advise to keep going slowly, others say to just let them figure it out now, so we'd like some more opinions on their body language!

Edit: Maybe of note: Even when his tail is up, sometimes he gets spooked and puffs it. He also likes to pounce on her when she's not looking. They have managed to peacefully coexist in the same room for 20-30 minutes twice by now at least. Atm he trills a lot when they're around each other. Since separating them she's been laying next to the door and was meowing and trilling (for him?) directly after separating them.

We recently got a new female cat, 1 year 3 months old. Our resident male cat just turned 2. Both are sterilised. The introduction has been going okay, they seemed very curious about each other during the first days where they didn't see each other, even more so afterwards until now where they're seeing each other through a gate. When we tried to let them interact in a room however, the male cat pounces on her. Pretty much always with the butt wiggle though, which afaik means it's playful? He is generally very active and loves playing almost 24/7, even in the heatwave.

She, however, isn't having any of that, she hisses and growls at him if he gets too close. When he pounces she runs away, usually under something to hide, and starts hissing/growling. From our research it seems like they mostly need to figure out each others language, mostly him understanding that she doesn't want to play, or at least not like that.

We're currently using a screen door to separate their areas, and gradually let them see each other more. At this point we're roomswapping every other day. They sometimes sniff at each other, else just lay there looking, but not staring. Mostly looking away, but able to see each other. They started kinda charging at the gate in what I hope is a playful way. He however, just learned that by charging twice at the gate full force he can get through. We let them interact, and once again he chased her to some hiding spots. Even when she's hiding and hissing/growling at him, he still goes for her. While this was happening she even slow-blinked at him, but he wasn't looking at her. For most of this both have their ears pointing forward, his tail is up almost always during this. As soon as we separate them she comes out of her hiding spot too, sometimes with tail up, sometimes straight with the tip down (agitated I think).

Now the thing is, I've seen people recommend at this stage to let them figure it out. On the other hand I also see people saying that one cat being chased to a hiding spot and still getting harassed is bad and they should be separated. If we let it go on she does get louder, but he really doesn't get it (or we're misreading it obviously). As soon as we're back to the barriers they are interested in each other again. I will say, as soon as he sees her, he gets super playful, even if we just played, it's basically impossible to tire him out. And his play with toys becomes more aggressive, pupils really dilated.

So yeah, like I said, to us it seems like both want to play, her less so, while he doesn't understand boundaries. But we might be misinterpreting, maybe being too hopeful. He is a very big cat, so I would imagine there's definitely a dominance thing going on too. But yeah, I would love to hear what others think.

Another "playing or fighting" post 😅

Cat Introduction - one cat being too playful, looking for input on reading their body language

5 Years of HRT :)