u/EmmaFox25

Hey there guys, I am just here to vent. Because I fucking hate this stupid condition. I am visiting my Dad right now and he is a horrible eater. He loves to eat crunchy food and he always starts eating something when I enter the kitchen because oh damn, how can we be in the kitchen without eating something?! He chews so loudly, he talks while eating and oh god he eats so much and so slow that he takes hours to finish...

I don't know how I survived this before moving out, because it is killing me. I want to scream or cry, or both. And I already told my family about my problem, but nobody gets it. I am the only one sitting there and suffering, and I hate it, because I love eating and I love eating with others. I want it to stop, it doesn't even make sense to me, why I hate those sounds so much <.<

Hello there! I am really struggling right now emotionally and would be happy about some ideas or advices about my situation. I (29/F) am currently in a relationship of 7 years and I do love my partner very much. Only problem is that I was very young when we first met and now I came to the conclusion, that we are not as compatible as we would like to be and it would be better to break up. But neither of us are brave enough for this step. Nevertheless, I really love him and want the best for him, I can imagine staying close friends and I would never cheat on him right now.

However, in this relationship and also before that I experienced several "crushes" or maybe even Limerance. They were classmates, one was my prof at the university, two of them were my partners friends and the last one was another patient at a hospital I stayed for some time. All have in common, that at some point they went no contact, I think because of the circumstances - when I finished school, university or left the hospital. Or because we weren't close to begin with. For example my partners friends are his friends, not mine. We played a certain game for a certain period of time, and then I was out of it. Then the feelings stopped or... maybe just started with another person at some point.

There is a new person who makes me go crazy right now, and I feel like a borderline criminal. We met through a friend of mine who knew him from university. My friend knew that we liked the same game, so he suggested we could play together. That was about 3 years ago and we still meet regularly to play together - either only the two of us or in a group. After some time we also talked about private stuff, so even if we haven't met in real life, I know some things about him. His name, age, family status, job, eating habits, political views and the region where he lives in. I really like him, he is a fun person and a great team player. He gives me compliments when I am doing great in our game and gives me advice, when something I do doesn't work. He likes teasing me, and I try to tease him back to make him laugh. I like spending time with him and I love to learn more about him. I want to know everything. Which is already creepy because he is actually a rather private person and I am not always sure if he likes it, when I ask him personal questions. One time we had kind of a fight, because we were talking about politics and it turned out, that he does have a rather weird view of women and rejects some facts that don't fit his view. I was really hurt after that talk and completely out of place the weeks after that. Even my partner noticed and told me, to cut-off contact. And I swear, I really tried. I couldn't go no contact at all, but I tried to reduce it. It worked like one or two months, then I went back to talking with him like before. I feel like we both avoid talking about politics now. Since then the feelings started building up more intensely. When I am online I always look at his profile, what he is doing. When I am not online I think about, when I can talk to him again. Sometimes I read old messages from him. I even asked my friend who knew him from university, if he can show me a picture of him. I even tried to record some of our gameplay where he was talking, so I could listen to his voice when offline (I ended up deleting everything, because I mentioned the program and he told me to uninstall that). Last week I was on holiday with a friend and while planning our travel, I booked a train which was driving through the region he lives in on purpose. While changing from one train to the other I was always looking around, if I may see him.

Even writing that makes me feel like a stalker and I hate this state I am in. I do know that I am not really happy in my relationship and that I may long for somebody who may be a better partner. At his core he is a nice person and I would like to keep him as a close friend, but I am not the person he is looking for and vice versa (because of the politics fight and what he and I want for the future). But still I want him to love me, I want him to be interested in me and my life, I want to meet him offline, I want to touch him, maybe even more explicit than that. I like this fuzzy, warm feelings he gives me when we are talking and playing our game. When we are not together, the time until our next game date feels endless and I have to actively distract myself from thinking about him all the time. So yeah... what the hell is wrong with me?