I need advice, I dont know anymore if this is abuse or it’s just me. No
My husband (41) and I (39) have been having problems for the past year or even longer. We have three children, ages 6, 7, and 9, and two of them, ages 7 and 9, have autism. Furthermore, the oldest has developmental delays.
I manage everything with patience, love, and so on. We live in Europe. I run a company that earns little but doesn't generate losses. I design fabric patterns. My husband is receiving unemployment benefits and recently obtained his CE driving license. He's looking for work, but his lack of experience is a problem. He's a welder by trade and rejects job offers, saying he needs to earn a lot because I don't want to work.
I've been caring for children for nine years. I receive benefits for this. I earn about €1,800 a month, plus about €2,000 from my company. My husband says I'm lazy, that I don't do anything around the house, that the house cleans itself, the washing machine washes itself, and the dishwasher does the same. Children need a firm hand, not a mother who's too nice to them. Also he said that we destroyed his life,
When I told my husband that wasn't true, he said he only expected me to go to work. Then he would support me and love me. We both have loans, and I understand it's stressful, but recently he said he didn't like my post-pregnancy body, that he didn't know how I could possibly like it, etc. He said he was patiently waiting for me to start exercising.
He said that if we go to therapy, therapist will agree that I'm stupid and don't understand life.
Also couple months ago I said that I don’t agree to watch porn during sex, he said it’s only because he must watch something to be able have sex with me. Please tell me if I am overreacting. I think about divorce all the time because I am so stressed that I can’t function.
Tl;dr Husband treat me awful and say everything is my fault because I don’t go to work, have disabled kids etc. is this abuse or I should just find some job?