u/Emotional_Team_8168

(this is all really fresh so i might be overreacting)

context: ex of 4 years broke up with me a month ago, we went no contact about 2 weeks ago. i begged alot and just spiraled before we went no contact. at the end, she said some messed up things that made me withdraw and accept it.

extra context: i was panicking when she broke up with me and i wanted to wait for her, so i asked her to tell me if she ever dates someone so i could move on. after few more times begging her back, i told her i DIDNT want her to tell me when she dates other people. (i know, i was dumb around that time.)

ive learned alot these past two weeks, ive actually been growing and disconnecting from her and being happy again, focusing on my health and wellbeing, keeping no contact.

i was making food, happily watching some funny youtube videos when i got the notification. she sent me a message saying that she isnt going to let me know when she starts dating again and that she wants me to truly move on and that to not respond.

i responded.

i snapped. i told her i asked her to NOT tell me. i told her that it was incredibly disrespectful that she said that, that i was moving on and that message brought me back to overthinking and panicking. i told her that she continued to disrespect me even after the break up, the whole situation being on her terms and when i accepted her terms, SHE was the one that was able to break no contact and tell me to not respond on her terms even though she would get pissed at me for begging her back and breaking no contect. i mentioned that this brought up alot of thoughts and feelings that will never get resolved because she avoided all our problems and her own problems and even broke no contact just to cut deeper into me. i ended it by wishing her a good life and said that i really was a fool for her.

i then blocked her and am going to keep her blocked no matter what. (i know i shouldve when it ended, i was just taking it one step at a time, not rushing it)

i know i shouldnt said anything and shouldve left some things out. i know it was just a small meaningless message that i shouldve ignored. im just TIRED of this whole fucking situation ending on HER terms and that SHES able to break no contact on HER terms but yelled at me and ghosted me when i did. i was happy. now im a mess because SHE wanted resolution on HER terms but gave me no resolution unless i accepted HER terms.

i messed up alot in our relationship and hurt her alot, but i grew and tried and became better for her. she didnt.

i cant believe this is the woman i changed so much for and loved deeply.

i am DONE.

i want a sign that she still cares or to know she is going to come back. we were together for 4 years, broke up a month ago and went no contact two weeks ago. i begged and begged her to stay but every time i did, she got colder and colder and more distant.

the woman i knew and loved would’ve always fought for our love. she convinced me that our love was more important than anything else on this planet. we had problems, but we always pushed forward and tried. she got a really shitty job that sucked the life out of her, our issues became bigger to her because she was so exhausted.

i tried my best to grow with her to accept her exhaustion and be there with her through it all (even when she told me we weren’t together), but she just kept pushing me away saying shes trusting herself. the only reasons she gave me for breaking up is “i cant be 100% with you and i have a lot of pain from the past” i totally get it, but why cant we grow together? why couldn’t we fight together just like she pushed me HARD to do? how come when shit hit the fan with me, i stayed and tried no matter how hard it got but with her, she folded and left “forever”

I want a sign that she regrets this and wants to come back. i want a sign that she will get off this high of “doing the right thing” and comes back so we can work together like she pushed me to do. i want a sign or to just know that she will be back because our love was so strong. i guess i want her to pick us over that job, to pull through like i did with her.