My last gyaru post for now
I know a lot of you are most likely cheering at the title. To those people I want to immediately apologize to and thank you for giving me your time and effort when you personally felt I wasn't deserving of it. I'm sorry for the way I came off and how disingenuous and egotistical I was being. To everyone who was kind and understanding: thank you as well. None of you were right or wrong about the situation as I didn't give full context and didn't really give a good example of who I actually am as a person.
A lot of you already clocked it but I am transgender. Gyaru and the gyaru lifestyle is something that gives me a lot of gender euphoria and a sense of girlhood in ways I never thought were possible. I've always been brash and excitable and hyperfixated on whatever my mind could grasp on because of my ADHD and OCD. Causing me to immediately thrust myself into a title that I didn't fully understand. Looking for friendship and community where I shouldn't have until I was ready. I quickly learned that this can be one of the most gatekept and unwelcoming communities out there, online atleast. And as a lot of you said: that was my first and arguably biggest mistake. Coming to the internet (especially reddit) for validation. A lot of you got the wrong idea and jumped to conclusions that were understandable considering the context. However none of these were close to true. I'm far from egotistical for the sake of just wanting clout or attention or smoke blown up my ass. I am instead incredibly self cautious and hyper observant of how I am perceived since I really struggle to find self acceptance due to struggling to find a sense of community or belonging. So I come to you guys one last time for quite a bit. Until I can find actual confidence in my version of what gyaru is to ME.
I dont come here and make this post to ask for forgiveness, pity, or more critiques on my character from people who do not know me. I came here to ask you guys for understanding and grace for not just me but every and all people in the gyaru community. A lot People join these subcultures for self expression, to find places where they could fit in where they struggle to fit in elsewhere and having to read the kinds of things I did about myself can be a bit disheartening. I wanna reiterate that all the words said about me were completely UNDERSTANDABLE considering how I was portraying myself and acting.
So I have one last request:
Reply with resources that helped YOU in your gyaru journey. Things you wish you knew sooner. Things that brought you confidence in your gyaru lifestyle. Make up tips, products, and tutorials. Magazines and where to find them. But all that specifically helped YOU. Stuff you struggled to find elsewhere. If this post is found by other struggling gyaru I want them to be able to look into the reply section and find stuff that can personally help them. If I am to waste a lot of people's time and attention I want to at least be helpful to others by doing so (yet again, I'm sorry for all of that).