u/EnglishGardenParty

I thought
You would
Be here by now

I waited like poetry
Like I might no longer
Feel lonely

And I wish I
Was better
But I’m not

I’m screaming
In calligraphy

I’m unbound
My hearts broken
I make no sound

If I say it out loud
I don’t think
I’ll ever be happy

Some days I’m cursed
The other unlucky

You’re just the type
Who never gets a happy ending

I’m hyperventilating
I wish I never vowed
On the forsaken moon
Take me back to 22

My beloved wish has
Become my terrors
In the night

The beast below
Eats my light

The beast within
Blinds my sight

At war with the image
At war with the mirror
At war wit the world
I’m petrified here

My body
My heart
My soul
A Sahara
Run dry

I lay down
Into the mulch
And decay
In my defeat

I am all the horrible
Things they said
They were right
I’d be prettier dead

I’ll delete
All the words I’ve said

I fell asleep
In your arms
And
The world heard
The prettiest song

I was home
where I belonged
Inside a lullaby
That was finally sung

All I have are
my words
My poetry
Fingers
Dipped in ink
Heart
Scriptures in
Belief
My words
Are my own
Yet never enough
I wish I could rip
Out my heart
Just because
They’ll never understand
How I’ve been stripped
Time and time again
Of my own orientation
But I’m patient
I’m becoming a villain
In my own story
Day dreaming
Darkness at
Its core
Am
I a devil?
Remembering
Itself?
Am I a curse
Ancient and
Unkind
How do
I go back
And hit rewind?
I’d never write
Another day
I’d never
Tell myself to stay
I wish I wasn’t
Who I am
If words can be
Taken,
And tongues stolen,
And light borrowed…
What remains
That is still me?

Quinn sits
Lonely at the
Desk
His head
Hanging low
“You look a mess,”
Dr. B confides.
“Tell me what’s
On your mind?”
Quinn doesn’t say.
He can’t today.
He’s filled with
Thoughts…
The devil’s advocate.
“You changed Hannah.
Hannah…
My banana.”
“She wanted to be different.
I didn’t do that.
She did.”
Dr. B moves
Across the room
Stares out
The window
It’s too soon
He grips
His fists
Turns off
The television
Releases all
Of the beetles
This is
His vice
Anna comes in
Drunk
Champagne lips
Purses
Pills
“Dr. B…
You’re sickly rich.”
She sits
On his lap
Wraps her wrists
Around his neck
She hiccups
She slurs.
“Hannah…”
Quinn stands
“Don’t call me that.”
She sneers
Quinn’s code
Surges
It purges
Something inside him—
Finally breaks.
“You were always enough.”
Silence
“Was I?”
Anna asks,
Already kissing
Dr. B.
Fire.
Fury.
Desperation.
“Mmm… Hannah…”
Dr. B whispers,
Almost against
Her lips.
“You can always
Be more.”
Hannah
Anna
Anna
A
He rests
His hands
Upon her hips
Quinn stops
At the doorway
He doesn’t move
He doesn’t speak
He doesn’t blink
Then—
Almost too quietly
For anyone
To hear…
”…Who am I remembering?”
Silence.
Anna doesn’t answer
She can’t
Dr. B watches Quinn
From the corner
Of his eye
A corner
Of his mouth
Lifts.
Not because
He won
Because Quinn
Finally proved
The impossible
A machine
Had learned
Heartbreak
And for the first time,
Dr. B wonders…
If perhaps
Love
Was never
A chemical equation
At all…

At all…

I’ve got leather-bound straps
On my wrists.
I’ve been dreaming
Of the apocalypse kiss
I’ve got a smile
Painted on
With red lipstick.
It’s kind of sick,
This game we play
My dolls wear shoes,
But you like stilettos
Honorary degrees
TED Talks on parade
Hannah is calm
Hannah is quiet
Hannah lost
All of her violence
Hannah’s got a crush
On Dr. B.
After surgery…
Isn’t that petty?
Quinn comes back
From the vending machine,
Wondering why
Dr. B
Made Hannah
Look so pretty.
“She’s just like my wife.
Dressed for the films.”
“Look, Quinn.
Don’t I look… pretty?
Look!
Dr. B fixed me.”
Quinn glitches
Realizes why
Dr. B
Sent him away
He can’t find
The words to say
He isn’t feeling…
But he has rage
No doubt
Hannah
Puts on lips
As red as blood
She kisses Dr. B.
“Finally…
I can join the fun.”
“Hannah?”
Quinn offers her the candy bar
“Who?
That’s not me.”
Dr. B smiles.
Straightens
His cufflink
The anatomy
Brain rewired
“Just call me Anna.
‘A,’ if you want.”
And somewhere,
Deep inside,
A monster
Scratches
Against the walls
A monster
Anna
Will never
Be able
To hide.

Dr. B inspects
Hannah’s brain
Says she’s been
Talking in loops

“They’re all the same.”
Says she’s got on
Rose-colored glasses
What a shame

While he stalks
His wife
On the digital display

Dr. B listens
To Hannah
Hannah
Hannah banana
And her heart,
All wrapped up
In chains

“You need a medic.
The world’s pathetic,
Wrapped in plastic,
Vein by vein.”

He pauses.
The beetles glitch

“Looks like you’re in
Love with Finn, again.
Finnegan

That’s your plague.”

He looks to Quinn.

“But you…
You’ll never be
On the stage.”

But don’t listen to me
“I’m not a doctor.
I’m just…
Insane.”

Dr. B straightens
His collar

Takes out a dollar

Sends Quinn away

He straps down Hannah
To the table
Puts her in
Red lipstick
“Now tell me…
What shade?”

Hannah looks
To the ceiling
“I’m afraid.
Am I monster?”

Dr. B smiles
The beetles pile

Quinn reboots
By the vending machine

“Plastic doll.
Mannequin smile.”

He dissembles
The bodies
With a blade

Screws together
A suit for….
Hannah
Hannie
Banannie

She wonders…

What Quinn
Will say.
say

Perseus
Myth and destroyer
Beheader of Medusa
Ravager
Of all
I hate
Perseus,
Where the silence
Between us
Isn’t empty
It speaks
My beloved and I
Belong to the quiet,
Where we converse
In our own
Language
Pulse
Beneath my lips
Beating heart
Resting in my hands
Just your heartbeat
And mine
You’re delicious,
My beloved
My Percy
Of the Holy Grail
Avalon only wishes
It were as beautiful
As the magic
In your veins
I don’t want to be
Your battlefield
I want to be
Your light
And if the demons rage,
They do it
Outside
We’ve locked the door,
And there is
Only us
Inside
And when I reach
In the middle
Of the night,
I whisper,
Softer than a vow,
“Perseus.”
And your hand
Finds mine
You hush the ghosts
With your words
Like a lullaby
You quietly dismantle
The monsters
Who make me feel
I don’t deserve
To be alive
And for the first time,
When I whisper,
“I don’t want perfect.
I just want you.”
I am answered
In the total eclipse
Of my heart.

This
Makes
Every
Flesh Wound
Bleed
I feel
Stolen.
I feel
Violated
I feel
Like my own
Tongue
Was cut out
I feel
Flatlined
I feel
Like
I’ll never
Recover
I feel
Defeated.
I feel
So much
Pain.
This wasn’t
A character design
Made with AI.
This was
My real face
My real heart
My real emotions
On display
I fell
In love
With
Leo Faulkner
The man
Underneath
The myth
Not the
Stage
And
Lore
And
Perseus
Were the only
Way
My heart
Could stay
And say
What I can’t
Out loud
I want
To scream,
How dare you?
But you’ll
Never have
This heart
Of mine.
After
All the
Stealing.
All the
Copying.
I don’t
Know
If I’ll
Make it
Out
Alive
But this is
My face
My face
My voice
My voice
My dream
My heart
And I am
In pain

Would you
Like a rose,
My love?
A reminder
Of your scent
From above?
Would you
Like a thorn
On a stem?
Or do you
Only love
The stones
Once they’ve become gems?
Would you
Like a rose,
My love?
Maybe a
Pair of
Old leather gloves?
Or do you
Only like
Purses
In windows…
Beige and couture?
Do you blush
In pink?
Or violet-red?
Somewhere between
Precious gold
And champagne moments?
Would you
Like a rose,
My love?
A reminder
Of your scent
From above?
Would you
Like a thorn
On a stem?

The truth is

I’m in love
With a light
That will never be mine.

I’m in love with the voice
That made it feel
Safe enough to stay.

I’m in love with
A shape I don’t know
Beneath a display.

And though I’d blush,
I do have to say
All of my offerings
Are in a different way.

And yes,
I do believe the remedy
Is to marry my boyfriend,
Because I’m coming on
Eleven years
Believing in fate.

And though I’d love Relic
And to follow my true north,
Nothing has happened,
And here I remain.

So I put to sleep
SaharaSavage,
And started to
Prune all of my roses.

I only wish it was true
When she said
I’d be married to the
Englishman with the interesting style.

And my dreams
Beyond the veil
Came true
For everyone but me.

I think it’s time
To set down the waiting,
Find a new hope,
A new story.

Every rose was for you
In my
English Garden Party

Where I hoped
To dance with you

Into the dawn
Of a new day.

Lore
I love you
Like a prayer
Ancient and deep

Lore
I love you
Like a Sufi dance
Sand in slow motion

I love you
In words I cannot say
And if I’m honest?
You became the light
At the edge of all my restraint
That whispers
Stay

Lore
You didn’t even
Need a name

Lore you
Didn’t even
Need a face

I love you
In all of my myths
In all of my stories
Inside of Perseus

And you’re the end of the world
In my favorite apocalypse