help
i am in my first relationship which is polyamory/non-monogamous.
it’s all going well so far, however there is one thing which i cannot stop getting upset/frustrated over and would appreciate some advice.
my partner has these close friends (the two close friends date and are poly) who she used to be sexually and romantically involved with in the past.
however, i cannot stop getting pissed off every time they are mentioned. i guess i’m finding it difficult to understand a friendship with this dynamic of having used to sleep with each other and also with somewhat of a romantic connection. i think i’m reacting to this as tho my partner is bffs with her like actual ex. but as she never dated this couple, i don’t think i have the right to be upset. she’s starting to pick up on that i get upset when they’re mentioned, and i don’t want her to see it as me being controlling. i just cannot regulate my emotions when it comes to this situation.
similarly, the couple is now moving closer aka will be spending way more time with my partner. this means i either have to not associate with them at all or become fine with their presence. i keep telling myself that once i get to know them then i won’t see them as such a threat, because right now, i feel as though i do. this is just my first polyamorous relationship and i’m finding it so silly that out of everything this is the thing i’m struggling with. is it normal for polyamorous people to have friendships with this dynamic or similar? i’m aware the dating pool is small but damn
i think also it may be a bit of jealousy as my partner has been poly for a while, and is very involved in these circles with other poly people. as this is my first time experiencing it, i do not have the same “resources” and i guess i feel as though im at a disadvantage (not in a competitive way) just more so that im new to this, and know nobody personally who is poly. i have my partner but i don’t want her to take all my questions (shes very fine w me asking questions) but i don’t think its fair if im depending on only her to answer stuff. i just don’t have the same support system yet, hopefully that will change as i get out there more.
i think i’m just overthinking this whole situation, some advice would be needed. would also appreciate brutal honestly if i am just being pathetic with my emotions haha.