u/EnvironmentalJello11

I work from 00:00 to 10:00am\~;

I have a loving girlfriend;

A family who supports me and my passions;

I have a big brother from another mother;

And evry friend that i have is kinda a good person.

And i think i have no reason to feel this numb.

Well i know why

My boss hit me sometimes, he make me feel like im nothing, i get insulted for the whole work night and i just stopped paying attention to the fact that i cry in the subway when i go back home.

Yeah my girl is a sweetheart, i realy love her but sometimes i feel ignored i mean, she has her problems, her difficult moments and im always there. I was there when she did her coming out as trans to her family, and now she wants to go to university and i dont wanna become her problem to so i just dont talk to her of when im sad, i just try my best to help.

I cried once in four years in her arms and not even after an hour i was there consolig her again.

My parents would never accept the idea of theyr son with a f-word so they dont know her as a her.

My mom.. she always needed help cause of her body related problems and her mood switch. She once hitted me with a truck toy when i was like 12 and sometimes she just say that it never happened and said that i want to "get rid of her" so she started using sending me to a psycologist as a treath.

My dad was an alcholist and i never talk about that but he beated the crap out of me and i still remember it. He got helped btw but i feel distant to them. I feel like im a bad son cause of my memories and maybe they are right and im the bad one. I just feel like evryone is tryng to retcon my past.

And now the person that i think i can trust the most and at the same moment i feel like he is the victim cause with evryone i've no problem laughing and faking happiness. But with him im just different. Im a shit and evil.

Like. Now he wanted to go in a vacation with me but i cant cause i dont have the breakes, I already had them.

So he, my best friend and my girlfriend are going without me and i know i cant trust him cause he tried to hit on me. Over and over and keep cracking jokes on "doin me and her".

Im so sorry for all the thing i read here and i know mines are "1st world problems" but still i didnt know who tell this and so yeah im here. Thx for reading and sorry for my bad english im from italy and i wanted to not use any help just being hones with myself and you.

Pls dear reader have a greay day i know u can do anything, ur the best 🥰