u/EnzelsProphet

I'm wondering if there is any hope of making friends in the future. The last time I had friends was in middle school, and since moving away at 12, I've had no one I'm friendly with or hang out with. I'm now almost 23 and I'm at my fourth college in an attempt to make friends. I feel like at every college, I make a bad impression on everyone despite not even knowing anyone. This causes me to constantly become embarrassed, move and switch colleges to try and "start fresh."

I know being unable to have close relationships is a symptom, but I'm wondering if any of you have had any luck with making friends. I'd be fine with just one. I'd just like to know if it's even possible. It's kind of unnerving knowing I don't know anyone, and no one knows me.Thanks in advance, guys

Since I was about 14, maybe, every few years or so I'd stumble on a piece of media that I'd believe was made about me, or made as a means for the creator/universe to talk to me through. I don't still believe all of it, especially the old ones, but I don't "not believe" some of the new ones. I don't know.

The first time this has ever happened was while I was reading the book, "The Blind Owl." I just felt a really bizarre connection to it like whenever I was reading it, it just felt like a complete surreal reflection of myself. I guess maybe I'm just feeling very understood in those moments.

Another would be the Current 93 album/trilogy titled "The Inmost Light" or "All The Pretty Little Horses." I immediately felt a strong connection to this, and the lyrics, and it became a mission for me to understand every reference and idea spoken about in this album. It felt like I was being spoken to by some unseen force or David Tibet himself. I meditated to the album several times and would have visions where I'd be looking up at the ceilings of catbedrals. I read through one of his old diaries online for answers and felt myself connected to that, too. There was also an art gallery he had with a woman after that woman dreamed about him, so I feel like there's already a psychic connection that happened there.

One time, I was watching a random matrix documentary and it was scarily bizarre how it seemed to talk to me. It was referencing things like my birth date, my Halloween costume, conversations I'd been having, and just dozens of references I feel like only I would catch. It was a very frightening experience and it would consistently break the fourth wall to talk to me directly. I don't want to say the name of the documentary because I'm afraid it would doxx me. Needless to say, it changed my religious beliefs permanently.

The most recent example I have of this phenomenon is with the author Philip K Dick. I relate to him so much if it frightens me. I'm scared to keep reading his books but I'm also desperate to understand why we relate so much. I read his autobiography and I'm going through his exegesis a lot. I feel like, in a way, his words are trying to instruct me to find a way to contact him despite his death. If you've read his speech "If you think this world is bad" you'll have some idea of what I mean.

I feel like most of the media is leading up to, or setting up a sort of neo-gnostic belief. But sometimes I get scared I'm going crazy, and my thinking just isn't right. I don't really know, but I feel like I'm going against the universe's wishes when I'm looking in a different direction. Does anyone else experience these connections?