My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years and have been married for 4 years now.
At the beginning of our relationship he was a fit athletic man and had a good career. Early in our relationship, I immigrated to another country and he followed me here after 1 year long-distance relationship . He mostly immigrated because of me and he had to restart his life here from scratch. He struggled at first with finding a job and adapting to the new life which is fair, but he always preferred our homecountry and how he had a better life there. (this might be relevant to what I’m going to say next)
Soon it will be his 3rd year in the new country and his mindset has changed somewhat about living here, specially considering that our home country is not a good place to live anymore.
He is really intelligent and spends lots of time on personal projects and researching ( if he is in a good mood).
Now I want to talk about the main issue here, he has gained weight, almost 20Kg since our first date( he is a tall man though). He has a very bad sleeping pattern (he works from home with another time zone so sometimes he needs to have meetings 2-3 AM) but even if he doesn’t have a meeting, he stays up playing video games or doom scrolling and goes to bed around 4 AM. He spends too much time on his phone watching reels and playing dumb games to keep his mind off of all the thinking, he is an overthinker for sure.
I know he might be depressed or anxious and he knows it too, and he is even taking some prescribed medication to help with that. He doesn’t go to therapy though, he tried it for some time but never gave it enough time and he always found an excuse to end the therapy sessions( reasons like therapist’s lack of knowledge or therapy costs)
Every time I mention even a tiny thing about his weight and his lifestyle he gets angry and defensive. I know he doesn’t like his appearance either but he always has an excuse not to work out. I‘ve offered all kinds off activities we can do together but he refuses and prefers to stay home on his phone or computer. Diabetes runs in their family and I‘m afraid he will get it soon if he continues with this lifestyle.
Truth is I don’t like his appearance now and I want him to at least try, but he is always so deep in his concerns or thoughts that I know the last thing on his mind is eating too much. I know eating helps him calm down. But it’s not healthy.
I try to be understanding and supportive, but sometimes I just can’t take it anymore.
What is the solution here?
P.S: this is my first reddit post and I’m sorry it’s all over the place and not very good written.