u/Equivalent-Lynx778

Chapter one of my current manuscript. I went against some advice and revised this chapter specifically to do what I want it to do. I want it to fill readers in on what my work is about, while introducing the primary character. This is obviously still an early draft, and the fact that I have only been writing consistently for a few weeks is most likely apparent, but I would still like feedback on a few key details. 1. Does this chapter hook you? I.e. does it make you want to know more about the world and characters? 2. Does it succeed in creating a setting, stakes, and a call to action? 3. Do the emotional beats land? Is there anything that defies basic logic or is unclear? 4. Does it read well? Have I written something that will be worth reading when it is further fleshed out? I currently have about 30,000 words written in this manuscript, and I want this chapter to be the foundation of everything I have worked towards. Thank you.

Chapter one of my current manuscript. I went against some advice and revised this chapter specifically to do what I want it to do. I want it to fill readers in on what my work is about, while introducing the primary character. This is obviously still an early draft, and the fact that I have only been writing consistently for a few weeks is most likely apparent, but I would still like feedback on a few key details. 1. Does this chapter hook you? I.e. does it make you want to know more about the world and characters? 2. Does it succeed in creating a setting, stakes, and a call to action? 3. Do the emotional beats land? Is there anything that defies basic logic or is unclear? 4. Does it read well? Have I written something that will be worth reading when it is further fleshed out? I currently have about 30,000 words written in this manuscript, and I want this chapter to be the foundation of everything I have worked towards. Thank you.

I’m grateful for the feedback I received on the excerpt of another POV character awaking from a dream. This is a more recent writing of mine that theoretically takes place after the events in the other passage. I think I have used more concrete language here, and am further in the revision process with this passage. Obviously there is still a long ways to go, but I hope I can get some feedback on possible weaknesses or strengths. Critique of any kind is welcome. Be mean to me, I’m still going to write. Thanks! (More words to try to meet the character quota but it looks like I’m failing miserably)

I have been writing consistently for a few weeks now, and am very happy that some of the ideas that I have had swimming around in my head are finally beginning to come out on the page. I am happy that I have gotten as consistent as I have so far, and that’s part of why I feel confident subjecting this early excerpt to feedback from strangers. I will continue to write consistently, but the critiques of others will help me focus my work on the things I am weakest in so that I will become more well rounded as a writer. Please be honest. I am fully aware of many of the issues I have, but it will not hurt for them to be called out further. Thank you.