i think i ate bugs on accident (TW i dont censor words)
every saturday i have lunch with my dad at my grandmas. I am very picky when it comes to food and one of my main safe foods is rice. My grandma made like some chicken that i didnt really eat and i was only eating rice like a lot of it and then i noticed little black things in it and im pretty sure that they were bugs and i am very scared of bugs and getting sick so this is like my two worst fears combining.. Also for the past month ive been having stomach problems and doctors dont know why so i am very scared that i will throw up eventually. I havent been eating much becouse im balls terrified that i will get sick and rice is the only food that i can eat enytime and now after this i will probably be scared to eat rice again becouse i will think of bugs everytime i do. I am starting to be really scared of going outside becouse im scared that i will pick up a virus somewhere or that i will see someone throwing up or that i will get sick and im not home but i have to go back to school next week which means that i have to go out every day and im so scared.
i literaly have no one to talk to,i have no friends,i do have a boyfriend but im way too scared to tell him about my fears. I am trying my best to hide the fact that this phobia is literally ruining my life but i dont think i can do it anymore. Ive been crying for the past hour becouse i cant live my life normally because of my stupid fears that literaly consume my whoel being. I will probably stop eating again cuz of this and i dont want to do that i dont want to ruin my health. im so lost and scared and i dont know what to do about all of this i dont wanna feel this way anymore. This is my first time talking about it and i feel so stupid about posting this but i didnt know what else to do