u/Equivalent-Wonder948

AITAH for wanting my friend and he boyfriend to break up?

Hello everyone! I'm not sure how much reactions I'll get on this but I hope to at least get one opinion cause I'm really stuck.

This is partly asking for advice and a am I the asshole? I will be using fake names

Me (Jenna) have been friends with my friend (Billie) for a year now. Yes it doesn't seem like much, but we're both still young and have really gotten very close over the last year. It feels like we've been friends for our whole life. Billie and I are the only ones and first ones in our lives that actually understand each other and don't feel like we are the odd ones out. Both Billie and me have a bunch of mental problems and both are under assesement for bpd as well so we really understand each other.

In the past year I've seen the whole dynamic with her and her boyfriend (Kevin) happen. I wasn't too involved with it last year when we first started being friends, but the closer we got the more I started noticing their behaviour towards each other. Around the end of last year, he slept with another girl because they were already not talking and he claims he never did. Not long after they broke up. In this time I saw Billie be the happiest person with the most beautiful glow around her. She was caring and less insecure or snappy at everyone. She became the best version of herself and you could see that she was trying to get better for herself. She was a truly good friend in this part.

Around the start of this year (2026) Billie and Kevin talked out their problems. "Talked" and it all started of good. Soon enough her and I started having problems and so did Billie with the rest of our friends. I stopped talking to her as to I was really depressed and I couldn't handle being affected by a friend. This went on for two months until we finally talked out why we were having so much issues, she herself was also partly in a bad place, ESPECIALLY, because her and Kevin were fighting! And I knew this because the whole time we were having issues in those two months, she kept calling him whilst we were calling cause "he needed her" and jabbing at me and my partners relationship, which seemed like full on projecting (she also told me they were fighting). She also kept saying she was annoyed at him. When we talked things out we addressed all this and she apologized, and they had decided to take a break a day before we talked things out. I asked her to please think this time through, cause I didn't want to see her go through this vicious cycle of being impacted by him and her fighting and taking it out on herself and us. She said she would take her time and think their relationship through.

Today she sent me a message that she was gonna send him in which she says how many things were her fault and how he does no effort in their relationship yet blaming it on herself! I snapped and told her how I truly feel and told her she shouldn't continue with him as he quite literally didn't try to change for him. Even tho she says that hes never been mad at her through her episodes and no one else will change her behaviour so she prefers to stay with him. But this dude literally shuts down when she has episodes and starts ignoring her which makes her spiral more. So yes he doesn't argue with her but he also is not there for her at all, whilst she takes in all his bad energy from her being there for him when he needs them. And I told her all of this and then she said I don't understand him and how I don't know him like she does and she hung up on the call. She hasn't texted me yet and I don't want to text her cause I'm not gonna apologize for wanting to wake her up from this behavior. Yes she has mental problems. Yes she instigates many fights, but her makes these scenarios so much worse instead of defusing it, not to mention he's perverted as hell.

Am I the asshole?

(I apologize for spelling I'm very mad and I probably left out many details, I apologize)

Kind regards, Jenna

\[Note: (I forgot to mention) He had told her we were toxic from her and that she should cut us off and hangout with his friends. Which I find toxic and manipulative. It sounds like he wants to isolate her from the world except him. Especially cause he doesn't want her getting close to his friends either\]

Hello everyone! I'm not sure how much reactions I'll get on this but I hope to at least get one opinion cause I'm really stuck.

This is partly asking for advice and a am I the asshole? I will be using fake names:

Me (Jenna) have been friends with my friend (Billie) for a year now. Yes it doesn't seem like much, but we're both still young and have really gotten very close over the last year. It feels like we've been friends for our whole life. Billie and I are the only ones and first ones in our lives that actually understand each other and don't feel like we are the odd ones out. Both Billie and me have a bunch of mental problems and both are under assesement for bpd as well so we really understand each other.

In the past year I've seen the whole dynamic with her and her boyfriend (Kevin) happen. I wasn't too involved with it last year when we first started being friends, but the closer we got the more I started noticing their behaviour towards each other. Around the end of last year, he slept with another girl because they were already not talking and he claims he never did. Not long after they broke up. In this time I saw Billie be the happiest person with the most beautiful glow around her. She was caring and less insecure or snappy at everyone. She became the best version of herself and you could see that she was trying to get better for herself. She was a truly good friend in this part.

Around the start of this year (2026) Billie and Kevin talked out their problems. "Talked" and it all started of good. Soon enough her and I started having problems and so did Billie with the rest of our friends. I stopped talking to her as to I was really depressed and I couldn't handle being affected by a friend. This went on for two months until we finally talked out why we were having so much issues, she herself was also partly in a bad place, ESPECIALLY, because her and Kevin were fighting! And I knew this because the whole time we were having issues in those two months, she kept calling him whilst we were calling cause "he needed her" and jabbing at me and my partners relationship, which seemed like full on projecting (she also told me they were fighting). She also kept saying she was annoyed at him. When we talked things out we addressed all this and she apologized, and they had decided to take a break a day before we talked things out. I asked her to please think this time through, cause I didn't want to see her go through this vicious cycle of being impacted by him and her fighting and taking it out on herself and us. She said she would take her time and think their relationship through.

Today she sent me a message that she was gonna send him in which she says how many things were her fault and how he does no effort in their relationship yet blaming it on herself! I snapped and told her how I truly feel and told her she shouldn't continue with him as he quite literally didn't try to change for him. Even tho she says that hes never been mad at her through her episodes and no one else will change her behaviour so she prefers to stay with him. But this dude literally shuts down when she has episodes and starts ignoring her which makes her spiral more. So yes he doesn't argue with her but he also is not there for her at all, whilst she takes in all his bad energy from her being there for him when he needs them. And I told her all of this and then she said I don't understand him and how I don't know him like she does and she hung up on the call. She hasn't texted me yet and I don't want to text her cause I'm not gonna apologize for wanting to wake her up from this behavior. Yes she has mental problems. Yes she instigates many fights, but her makes these scenarios so much worse instead of defusing it, not to mention he's perverted as hell.

Am I the asshole?

(I apologize for spelling I'm very mad and I probably left out many details, I apologize)

Kind regards, Jenna

[Note: (I forgot to mention) He had told her we were toxic from her and that she should cut us off and hangout with his friends. Which I find toxic and manipulative. It sounds like he wants to isolate her from the world except him. Especially cause he doesn't want her getting close to his friends either]