AITA for ending a friendship after a friend gave me a handmade gift that felt insulting?
I (26F) recently ended a friendship with "Maggie" (26F), and some mutual friends think I overreacted. ( Her name has been changed for privacy).
For context, we'd been friends for a few years, but the friendship always felt confusing and unstable to me. I often could never tell whether Maggie genuinely liked me or secretly hated me.
She could often be incredibly attached and attentive. She would tell me she hated the thought of me making other friends and hoped I'd never get a boyfriend. She would involve herself in very personal parts of my life without being asked. For example, she sometimes came with me to doctor's appointment despite me never requesting her to be there. She would just insist I needed her and I felt to guilty to say no.
Because of things like that, I often convinced myself that she cared about me deeply and was just socially awkward.
On the other hand, she had a habit of taking things I'd told her in confidence and turning them into jokes later. We're both autistic, so I tried for a long time to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn't understand how hurtful some of her comments were. However, none of our other friends seemed to have the same issues with her.
Over the years I'd occasionally confide in her about insecurities during private girl talk, regarding my personal life or appearance . She would reassure me at the time and was so nice and would seeminlgly try her best to give me more confidence, but then later make jokes about those same insecurities in front of other people. I tried not to take it personally, and tried to think that it wasnt personal or malicious, she was just using an ill attempt at humour to fit in.
One example that has always stuck with me happened after she had invited herself to a doctor's appointment. It wasnt serious at all, just a persistant cold that I wanted to check out. During the appointment, my shirt had to be lifted slightly so a stethoscope could be placed on my back to listen to my breathing. Later, in front of mutual friends and strangers, Maggie joked about seeing my back fat and my acne. I was humiliated.
After enough incidents like that, I stopped talking to her about anything personal or sensitive. We got on well enough when it was just the two of us, but as soon as we were in a group she acted more like my bully than my friend.
A week ago, a group of us met for lunch at a café. Everything seemed normal. We were catching up and talking about recent life events when Maggie suddenly announced that she'd made handmade gifts for everyone.
Me and the girls thanked her and were all genuinely super excited.
She explained that she'd crocheted animals and that each animal was meant to represent the person receiving it. Remeber that part, that the animal is supposed to represent the person recieving the gift.
The first friend got a bunny.
The second got a cat.
The third got an octopus.
They were all adorable little crochet animals with large eyes and big wobbly heads. They all looked like a cute toy you'd see a shop. They were all well-made and clearly took a lot of time.
Then she handed me mine.
It was a walrus.
I know this is where I might sound ridiculous, but I was instantly hurt and uncomfortable.
For additional context, I have absolutely no connection to walruses. I love animals in general, but anyone who knows me would associate me with cats and dogs. I've owned well over a dozen dogs and cats throughout my life. I don't collect walrus-themed things, talk about walruses, or have any particular interest in marine animals. Even now, I genuinely cannot think of a flattering or meaningful reason someone would choose a walrus to represent me specifically.
What also bothered me was that it looked completely different from the others. The bunny, cat and octopus were cute and cartoon-like. The walrus was oddly realistic, with tiny bead eyes and brown patches that looked like mud. And this was supposed to represent me ? Maybe I'm being mean but it simply wasnt cute like the others, and I'm not saying that because its a walrus, mine didnt have the same big cute eyes or big head, this has a tiny head and huge body, as well as lots of hairy whiskers and huge teeth.
I immediately thought about the insecurities Maggie knew I had. In the past I'd confided in her about being insecure about my weight and about my teeth because my canines didn't grow in properly, so they sort of stick out. I always hated it.
I looked around the table and everyone went quiet. The other girls looked at me. I don't know if they were shocked by my reaction or shocked by the gift itself.
I didn't know what to say. I felt really really hurt. I could not shake the feeling that it was personal.
Eventually I muttered "thank you," put the walrus back on the table, got up and left.
When I got home, I had multiple messages from Maggie. She was furious and accused me of rejecting a gift she'd spent a long time making. Admittedly, whilst it wasnt as cute as the others it still looked like lots of time was spent making it, so I can sort of understand.
I told her that the gift felt like a thinly veiled insult.
She denied that.
I pointed out that she had specifically said the animals were meant to represent each person, so I asked her how exactly a walrus represented me.
Instead of explaining, she laughed and simply said, "Because it does."
That response honestly upset me more than the gift itself. It felt like a confirmation, this is what she thinks of me. She could not pick any of my positive traits ? If she had come up with some sort of justification, like the walrus has a mustasche like my dads or something I could have gotten over it.
At that point I told her not to contact me anymore.
A few mutual friends reached out afterward to check on me. They admitted that they also thought the gift felt like a barb, but they think ending a friendship over a crocheted animal is extreme. Their argument is that Maggie may not have intended it the way I interpreted it and that I should have given her more grace. Maybe I'm crazy, but this felt so premediated. To give everyone else a cute nice gift and to give me an insulting one ensures that all our other friends are on her side rather than mine. I don't know what to think now. Maybe my insecurites are getting the best of me, and I have wrongly interpreted this gift? it obviously took time to make. Am I projecting my anxieties onto a crocheted walrus ? Having all my friends say I'm being extreme is confusing me, but i just can't shake the feeling this was on purpose.
But maybe I'm too close to the situation and reading intent where there wasn't any.
AITA?