I am enjoying ENM, but my partner is not although he initiated it
Hiii. I (F) probably need advice or let out some steam here.
We are actively exploring ENM for 6 months, after 10y+ relationship. My partner (M) initiated it. At first so I can explore my bisexuality, but then he voiced some desires to sleep with other women and me with other men.
I was not on board at first. I was afraid it could damage our relationship because I like to create deep connections and would not like meaningless sex, which would create time issues. I also had low self esteem and was afraid of rejection. But he was always reassuring that our bond will always be stronger, and after him insisting for two years, I went on my first dates saying "ah why not, worst case I will learn something "
It was a slow start for me, but everything went rather quick in the last couple of months as I gained in confidence. I made mistakes at first, being a bit too intense with someone for example, but now I believe reached a balance. I am dating 3 persons, 2 are in ENM and casual, one fwb a bit more intense but not crazy. I feel good and my and our sex life is much better than before.
But he is struggling A LOT now. He has a very casual relationship himself, but he wants more. He feels insecure, lonely and anxious, particularly when I am with other men. He feels bad and rejected because he doesn't get matches. He is jealous of what I have, and it is really putting him down. And now I feel a huge pressure when I go on dates..because I know he is miserable at home.
I keep telling him that we may need to close again if he feels so bad about it (it would be a bummer for me but I think I'll survive. I will be sad, but I think I can fill my life with platonic friendships too). But he keeps saying no. And now I deal with this and it's just exhausting.
I probably will give an ultimatum soon and I will force the closing if he doesn't change.
I wonder if there are any advice for him and me in this community:) ?