AITA for replying to a guy when my ex broke up with me?
My ex will be going on a trip this coming july to Australia to visit his sister who is in a shared house with his ex’s family. He’s currently waiting for a PR invitation in australia and living with me atm in our home country. For context, while he’s living in australia 3 years ago with her ex, they were renting a room at her aunt’s house and his sister renting another room too. They’ve been in this set up for almost 4 years and they eventually broke up and met me.
When we were dating I did not know that he was still living together with his ex and found out a year ago that they were sharing a room. And found out through his messages that they were still trying and fixing things while in a relationship with me. The ex knew that we were together and I was kept in the dark. His sister also knew but never told me that they are sharing a room. Even his family knows but no one told me.
When I found out, i burst out crying and felt like my world collapsed. I feel like going crazy because it hurts so much. I cannot even speak and just cried in front of him. We were planning our future with marriage talks. I just could not believe that that’s happening to me. I told him to get out of the house and never come back again. But fast forward he pursued me again, gone to therapy, fixed his life and our relationship. After almost 2 years we got over that phase in our life and became better. There were still outbursts every time but he was able to handle it, imperfectly but somehow would assure me after.
Now, since this year we’re planning to travel a lot, he told me that he’s planning to go to australia because he applied a tourist visa last dec 2025 (applied after my outburst because of his cheating). I told him I cannot go because I have prior committments and planning to launch a business by august. He told me “what to do, cause for sure i’ll be staying with my sister. Do you trust me?” Staying with his sister meant he’ll be staying at his ex’s house.
I found it baffling and unbelievable. I told him that I would break up with him because that’s too much of a disrespect already. I’m done with that and would never want to put myself in that situation again. He said sorry multiple times. He told me he’s asking for help and suggestion where he can stay cheaply and just thinking of finances. He’s finances are great and business is doing well that’a why I did buy it. I told him he wanted to save a few bucks in the expense of my mental health is not it. If he really love and cared for me this should not be on table anymore. Staying there cannot be and will not be considered anymore. And told him he never asked help and suggestions where to stay because the first thing he asked me is if I could trust him. I told him a blatant no, because I trusted him before and broke it in a magnitude level. And I cannot let it go and told him that I am not respected enough in this relationship and would like to not talk for a while because I would like to think things through if this relationship is still worth the shot. And he told me “let’s break up, I’m tired of this”
I told him “sure”
After that I considered myself single and openned my options. He broke up with me and I would not weep again. So this guy kept messaging and I replied to him. We exchanged a few casual talks. Also, my friend knew I am single now and I told her to introduce me.
After a few days my ex came to my house and pleaded and apologized. He said he’s sorry and don’t want to break up. I told him I am done but he kept pushing that we should fix things and he’s insesitive. Because I still love him I let him. Now, as I am charging my phone he picked it up and scrolled. He saw my now deleted messages with the guy (i deleted it and the guy liked my last message which is a goodnight that’s why it notified on ig that he liked it) and saw my message to my friend that she needs to introduce me to her friends.
My ex calls me a cheater and not even a few weeks and I am out there messaging people and call me a flirt. I told him you broke up with me, whay does he expect? That my options are limited to him? He kept calling me a cheater and now mad at me for replying and deleting the messages and also telling my friend to introduce me. Because he told me that he never talked to anyone and still thinking that we’ll fix our relationship after that break up fight.
I think I am being manipulated and gaslighted because I felt like I really did cheat?