u/Erron_Black_wins

Hello everyone, I am a cheater. Yes you heard it correctly. I cheated on my long distance girlfriend with her best friend. I cheated on the smartest prettiest most amazing woman I have ever met. Even during the act I still loved her. We even had a massive fight 3 days prior to the incident and we called it quits, but I made up with her...get this.... on text, 30 MINUTES BEFORE CHEATING WITH HER BEST FRIEND. I don't know what I was on yesterday (that is when it happened) I was both drunk and high, and I was very bitter at her leaving me over a fight. I am not excusing it im just explaining the rationale of how a loser narcissistic high on substances thinks. I don't deserve her and I am in so much pain. I read here that you guys think the cheater gets to move on and just live with the fact that they are a jerk but the soul crushing core rotting sadness I am feeling begs to say otherwise. Its okay. I think I deserve that too. I never thought I would ever be the kind of person to cheat, heck even I got cheated on before I know how it feels how the fuck did I get here. I dont deserve her back, I dont even know if I deserve to live normally after this. But is there a way forward? It feels like having her back is wrong and letting her go is also wrong. Everything feels wrong. How can I fix myself? I think I need help very bad. This incident was the result of accumulation of all of the things I have always overlooked about myself saying it is not that big of a deal from my ego to my substance abuse to my bitterness towards her to our unresolved fights to etc etc etc, she was supposed to come to my country at the end of august but she said she isnt coming anymore understandably. Of course I want to sit on this for a week at least to digest what happens but I need to ask:

Is there a way forward with her? I still love her, even in my twisted parts i love her, curse me all u want yell at me all u want i deserve every single hate u guys will throw my way

How can I fix myself? Even if it doesnt work out I dont wanna do this to another woman I dont want this to ever happen again because i know what they say once a cheater always a cheater is it doomed?

Will she be okay? I hope she is. I dont deserve the sadness she will feel or how she will hate love and relationships from now on. I would love to tell her to not weep over a cockroach.

Please I will take any input any insult any advice anything. And thank you for reading this.

Hello everyone, I am a cheater. Yes you heard it correctly. I cheated on my long distance girlfriend with her best friend. I cheated on the smartest prettiest most amazing woman I have ever met. Even during the act I still loved her. We even had a massive fight 3 days prior to the incident and we called it quits, but I made up with her...get this.... on text, 30 MINUTES BEFORE CHEATING WITH HER BEST FRIEND. I don't know what I was on yesterday (that is when it happened) I was both drunk and high, and I was very bitter at her leaving me over a fight. I am not excusing it im just explaining the rationale of how a loser narcissistic high on substances thinks. I don't deserve her and I am in so much pain. I read here that you guys think the cheater gets to move on and just live with the fact that they are a jerk but the soul crushing core rotting sadness I am feeling begs to say otherwise. Its okay. I think I deserve that too. I never thought I would ever be the kind of person to cheat, heck even I got cheated on before I know how it feels how the fuck did I get here. I dont deserve her back, I dont even know if I deserve to live normally after this. But is there a way forward? It feels like having her back is wrong and letting her go is also wrong. Everything feels wrong. How can I fix myself? I think I need help very bad. This incident was the result of accumulation of all of the things I have always overlooked about myself saying it is not that big of a deal from my ego to my substance abuse to my bitterness towards her to our unresolved fights to etc etc etc, she was supposed to come to my country at the end of august but she said she isnt coming anymore understandably. Of course I want to sit on this for a week at least to digest what happens but I need to ask:

Is there a way forward with her? I still love her, even in my twisted parts i love her, curse me all u want yell at me all u want i deserve every single hate u guys will throw my way

How can I fix myself? Even if it doesnt work out I dont wanna do this to another woman I dont want this to ever happen again because i know what they say once a cheater always a cheater is it doomed?

Will she be okay? I hope she is. I dont deserve the sadness she will feel or how she will hate love and relationships from now on. I would love to tell her to not weep over a cockroach.

Please I will take any input any insult any advice anything. And thank you for reading this.

Hello everyone, I am a cheater. Yes you heard it correctly. I cheated on my long distance girlfriend with her best friend. I cheated on the smartest prettiest most amazing woman I have ever met. Even during the act I still loved her. We even had a massive fight 3 days prior to the incident and we called it quits, but I made up with her...get this.... on text, 30 MINUTES BEFORE CHEATING WITH HER BEST FRIEND. I don't know what I was on yesterday (that is when it happened) I was both drunk and high, and I was very bitter at her leaving me over a fight. I am not excusing it im just explaining the rationale of how a loser narcissistic high on substances thinks. I don't deserve her and I am in so much pain. I read here that you guys think the cheater gets to move on and just live with the fact that they are a jerk but the soul crushing core rotting sadness I am feeling begs to say otherwise. Its okay. I think I deserve that too. I never thought I would ever be the kind of person to cheat, heck even I got cheated on before I know how it feels how the fuck did I get here. I dont deserve her back, I dont even know if I deserve to live normally after this. But is there a way forward? It feels like having her back is wrong and letting her go is also wrong. Everything feels wrong. How can I fix myself? I think I need help very bad. This incident was the result of accumulation of all of the things I have always overlooked about myself saying it is not that big of a deal from my ego to my substance abuse to my bitterness towards her to our unresolved fights to etc etc etc, she was supposed to come to my country at the end of august but she said she isnt coming anymore understandably. Of course I want to sit on this for a week at least to digest what happens but I need to ask:

Is there a way forward with her? I still love her, even in my twisted parts i love her, curse me all u want yell at me all u want i deserve every single hate u guys will throw my way

How can I fix myself? Even if it doesnt work out I dont wanna do this to another woman I dont want this to ever happen again because i know what they say once a cheater always a cheater is it doomed?

Will she be okay? I hope she is. I dont deserve the sadness she will feel or how she will hate love and relationships from now on. I would love to tell her to not weep over a cockroach.

Please I will take any input any insult any advice anything. And thank you for reading this.