Twice in my life I experienced withdrawal because of my lover’s severe depression. It was hard for me to not perceive it as an excuse to end the relationship/dating stage in an amicable manner. But I wonder - maybe I am wrong.
Could you please tell me more about your experience if you or your partner struggle with depression?
I’m asking because my social media feed is absolutely flooded with relationship content saying that if a man has a warm or friendly relationship with an ex, you should run immediately.
The thing is, I don’t actually have much experience that would support that idea.
Growing up, my dad stayed on good terms with his ex-wife after their divorce. They had children together, and while they obviously weren’t together anymore, there was mutual respect and goodwill. When she went through difficult times, my parents helped her. There was never any cheating, secrecy, or drama involved. Because of that relationship, I grew up close to my half-brothers, whom I love dearly.
My own experience with an ex is the opposite. I don’t speak to him at all anymore, but that’s because he treated me terribly and I had to cut contact to protect myself emotionally. The reason we’re not in touch isn’t that all exes should be cut off. It’s that he hurt me badly enough that I didn’t want him in my life in any capacity.
The same goes for many of my friends. The exes they no longer speak to are usually people who cheated, were abusive, or behaved in ways that made continued contact impossible.
Recently, I started seeing a guy (M30). Things have been going really well, and we’re exclusive. Early on, while talking about past relationships, he mentioned that he’s on good terms with his exes. He described the relationships as friendly and said they ended peacefully. He specifically mentioned that there is no physical aspect to those relationships and that with one of them they occasionally update each other on life.
What confuses me is that social media seems to treat any contact with an ex as proof that someone is still emotionally attached.
But I’ve also seen the opposite: people who have zero contact with an ex and are still deeply hung up on them years later.
So I’m curious what people with more relationship experience think.
Is staying in occasional friendly contact with an ex actually a red flag? Or does it depend entirely on the boundaries, the nature of the contact, and how the relationship ended?
Have you seen healthy examples of this in real life, or does social media have a point?
On our third date, the guy (M29) I’m (F25) seeing (and we really like each other) called me by my name and “baby” and “my love” while we were kissing, I also called him “sweetheart” and he told me to call him this way.
I know people say all kinds of things in the moment, but I’m curious, guys, is this something you say to any girl you’re kissing, or does it usually mean there are deeper feelings involved? (I don’t mean love at this stage of course). In my case - yes I see him in this affectionate way.
For context, we genuinely have a strong connection, we stay in touch, keep getting to know each other, and he shows care in small, thoughtful ways too. But we haven’t talked about the relationship yet.
How would you interpret this?