u/Euphoric-Theory-8378

I've been in a 20 year relationship with my partner and we have a 13-year-old.

My family lives on the east coast and I'm west coast and I have zero support out here in part to the abusive relationship and being isolated. I've tried to leave many times, but things are now at the point where my partner is verbally threatening me and it's a coercive control situation that feels out of control.

My parents are 75/80 and scheduled a trip to Disney, and since they're older, said this is likely their last trip. My son and I are supposed to fly out there in late August.

I'm not very close to my parents and have never shared how bad things are here. They've been navigating grief after my younger brother died suddenly a few years ago, and they are constantly worrying about me and my physical health. Like, on the phone they'll say I sound like I'm having trouble breathing, but I'm not. But they never come out and ask if I'm okay.

Complicating matters, my dad was hospitalized a month ago after passing out, and his heart is being monitored. And they want us to go visit Florida when the temperatures are supposed to be 90 degrees or more.

So, I'm stuck in this spiral of not knowing what to do. Do I ask my parents to postpone the trip, and instead ask them if I can move back home? They've always said I'm welcome. But doing so might cancel the trip and/or make the funds unavailable for it if they have to help pay for me to move across the country. It also will stress them out knowing that I'm experiencing something bad, and their health is something I have to keep in mind.

So, one part of me just wants to stay quiet and go, making them happy. But I'm kind of slowly disintegrating inside and now have to worry about myself collpasing mentally, but worrying about my older parents getting heat stroke. And my son is being pushed aside because I'm under so much stress, so I feel like I'm failing as a parent.

I'm at a loss, what do I do? I tried to sign up for therapy and I'm on a wait list at two different places.

I'm dealing with a partner who's a very extreme narcissist combined with paranoia. We have a 13-year-old son. Since Covid happened, my partner has worked from home and also our son does home school. I work from home, too, so we're all here every day in a small apartment, and the parental alienation is off the charts.

He's constantly saying to our son, "your mother thinks..." or everyday he is narrating how he thinks I feel. He'll sometimes talk like I'm not in the room. He'll tell our son, "Your mother thinks she knows better than me" or he'll repeatedly, almost daily, say that I'm stupid and don't know anything.
He'll also frequently say I don't want to be a parent because I want alone time, or tell our son I don't want to be around him because I want to go on a walk. Or say I didn't want a boy, because sometimes I'm tired of crass jokes. Everything is rooted in shaming me.

I barely can get a word in. But worse is he's gaslighting me and saying he thinks I have dementia, and last week he told my son to watch out for what I do because he says I need "help."

Now our son won't let me help with things like school says I'm not too smart. Or he was going to bed and called out "enjoy staying up to watch your stupid movies or whatever lame things you like" and it just stings. I'm not mad at him so much because he's just parroting dad. But the damage is already there.

I'm worried that because my partner is a better communicator and comes across well in person, if I leave and we have to share custody, he'll try to convince people I'm incompetent and incapable of being a parent.

He spends hours talking at me and going on about how corrupt the world is, bringing up topics that a teenager shouldn't hear, like about violent world events or sexual cases in the news. And frames it as he's "educating" our son, and that no one or nothing in the world can be trusted. And again, says that I'm dumb and naive, and from a small town, so I don't know how the world works and tells our son to not listen to me.

I've started recording his rants, I know it might not be legal but if anything it's for myself to listen back and realize what's being said.

Do I seek help from a domestic violence type place? It's going to be hard to prove anything but I just feel like I live in a cage and never get a break from the emotional, verbal abuse.