u/Even_Explanation_730

Backstory:

I [24F] have known him [25M] my whole childhood. We grew apart and recently got in touch about a year ago. I remember seeing his picture on a friend’s post and thinking to myself wow A[25M] got a glow up. And that’s that. Because I was in a relationship too with someone else. Apparent so was A around the same time. Both of our precious relationships didn’t work out.

Trouble stars:

A and I started talking and the first few months were the best. I knew the moment I heard his voice that I was done for. Post a couple of weeks- we start talking more regularly and feelings develop. Me Moreso. I’d been in two relationships before him but this was the first time it felt familiar to love. His name signified the warmth he brought into my life. We were together for about 9 months. We agreed to stay friends with flirting allowed. Sometimes we’d even discuss kid,family,parents,beliefs. We were on similar wavelength on almost everything. My hamartia was impulsiveness gaslighting and his was ego and crudity at times. I took an unmediated drug for the first time which messed my brain.

Can I blame it on the drug or is it my fault completely?

3 mistakes of my life :

I drunk called my 2 exes and he found out(I told him). That was the first significant mistake. After that we were good but a mutual friend of ours came In between and ruined it again. We got over that. Final straw was me roaming out with a guy I met on hinge and lying to my friends that I’m with A (they wouldn’t worry) and to my parents about a camp. None of them bought it. So he was might pissed- reason obvious. And he has warned me of this sort of thing a few days ago. But at that moment i was hurt that he wasn’t listening to my pain(physical as well). I was beat up by parents. So in anger i cut the call. He blocked my number. Wouldn’t reply to any messages. So I thought I’ll go his college wait till he comes out and then sort it all out. That didn’t end well(I got humiliated). I wouldn’t do such a thing he knows. Then he wished me on my birthday. That’s it. After that I wished him on his - in my sweet style. Attached below is rest of the conversation

So is there any hope for reconciliation?

I [24f] Need analysis of what went down between me and A[25M]