u/Evening-Disaster8597

Anyone else suffering from clinical depression, BPD or anxiety that can’t make decisions? I feel like every decision I have to make cripples me. I’m scared I’ll regret and then I let the decision make me and ultimately regret so I try to get others to make decisions for me which just makes me look like an insane person to them. I have regretted also every decision I have made in life up to my 37 years of living. I hate being a prisoner in my own head. I literally am my worse enemy and no one on this earth could hate me more than I hate myself for all my mental struggles.

I can’t stop hating myself for being so dumb. I could‘ve stopped so many times. I just kept going back until I had nothing. No home, no savings and six figure debt. I can’t come back from this. I sit up now and Google the right concoction of pills because I am weak and can’t face the consequences alone. I even played the same two games—how dumb was that.

Long story, I had struggled with mental disorders and gambled for the past four years to cope. after an attempt on my life I finally sought help.

140k Credit card debt. 30k in stock. About 10k in savings left from the sale of my home. Struggling with the fact that I’ll have to start completely over at 38. Sold my home and currently back at home with mom while kids are away at college. Will they make me sell my stock or is it best to sell and move it now? I don’t want to be left living paycheck to paycheck. I would love to work off my debt. Down to 65k in wages annually due to losing my business. A friend told me not to keep drowning and suffering and to just file Ch. 7. My credit was once everything to me. Never missed a payment on anything. Started building my credit from a secured card at 18 with a $200.00 limit which turned into a 50k limit. It was the addiction that stole this away from me. I’m losing sleep every night just trying to fix this mess I've made and honestly I still want to give up some days but yet I keep going.